Calling Me Back by Louise Bay Read Free Book Online

her eyebrows at me. I think I had said something like that, but hearing her say it sounded bad. Richard was a good guy.
    “It’s not bad. He’s sweet and caring and very attentive,” I said. The sex had been . . . nice. But it was true, my world had not been rocked.
    “And you want him to shove you against the wall and fuck you properly,” Haven replied. She’d hit the nail on the head, as always.
    I sighed. “Maybe. I mean, he’s great in so many ways. I really should like him more than I do. He’s nice to me; he’s good looking; he has a good job. It’s just . . . there’s something that’s not quite right, like I’m not quite feeling it. But then maybe I won’t feel it, right? Or maybe it will come with time.” I wanted her reassurance that staying with Richard was what I should be doing, because I wasn’t sure. Should I want fireworks? Is that what would make me happy? All these years of loving Luke hadn’t done it. Wanting more than Richard seemed selfish and immature when everything about him was so great . . . at least on paper.
    “But whatever it is, you feel that for Luke?” she asked. We rarely talked openly about how I seriously I felt about Luke. I joked around with him, told him we’d get married someday, called him handsome, that kind of thing. And sometimes he’d flirt back. It was our game, or it had been. I didn’t do it so much anymore. The difference between Luke and I was that my mock flirting was covering real feelings. Feelings I’d had since that day under the magnolia tree. Along the way, I’d fallen in love with Luke. I’d given him my heart. Luke was the fireworks, but I couldn’t will him to feel that way about me. And he was almost certainly about to get married.
    I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I feel for Luke. I know he sees me as his little sister. I’ve accepted that, which is why I’m dating Richard.” I wasn’t sure I had managed to fully wrestle my heart away from Luke, but I was trying. Maybe I just needed to give Richard and me more time. Maybe I needed to know him better, know him the way I knew Luke.
    “I think that’s a great idea. He and Emma have been together a long time, and she’s in her early thirties—her biological clock is bound to start ticking sooner rather than later.”
    My heart started thundering at Haven’s words. Had he agreed to marry her? Did Haven know something? “He told me that he’s feeling some pressure to move things on,” I said.
    She blushed and looked away. “He told you?”
    “Yeah, it’s what we talked about at lunch.”
    “Right. What do you think?”
    My stomach flipped over, once then twice. Fuck, I hated thinking about it, but more than anything, I wanted him to be happy. “I think he needs to decide either way—shit or get off the pot. He must love her. They’ve been a couple for ages. Whatever makes him happy.”
    Haven pushed her lips together. “Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t think . . . Anyway. Back to you. Maybe Richard’s just not the right guy for you. You need chemistry. It’s not all about ticking things off a list. Just because he meets some arbitrary criteria doesn’t mean you’re destined for each other,” she said.
    “Destined?” Had she really just said that? She’d become such a sap since she’d married Jake.
    “You know what I’m trying to say.” She laughed. “It doesn’t mean you have to spend the rest of your life with a man just because he fits the description.”
    “He wants us to go away next weekend. To the Lake District. So I guess it will be good to have that time together. Hopefully I’ll figure out if there’s a future for us.”
    “And if there isn’t, maybe you’ll meet someone if you do that course you were talking about.”
    I turned the base of my wineglass on the counter, watching as the alcohol crept up the edges of the glass with the movement. “Yeah, I need to work out whether or not I’m going to apply.”
    “Apply for