because what satisfies them is a successful lie. And they aren’t like girls from other parts of the country who sell themselves to pay off their fathers’ debts, or to buy land or a house. They aren’t driven into prostitution by hardship, because their lives aren’t all that hard to begin with. They go into the business to feed their egos. This is the typical Shanghai slut. These are women who never tell you what they’re thinking. They’re smart, but almost always too smart for their own good. Most of them had useless fathers and capable but unlucky mothers. Like their mothers, they’re status conscious, in love with Western things, good-hearted but naturally selfish, suspicious of men but in love with the gratification that comes from stealing another woman’s man. I believed that Qi had genuinely fallen for Saining, but she wasn’t about to throw away her rich clients on account of him. That’s what Shanghai sluts are like; they want to have it both ways. They’re good at letting slip, bit by bit, the details of their sad stories, not knowing themselves what’s true and what’s a lie. In bed they’re apt to blurt out, Do you love me? And they’re good at faking orgasms and feigning madness. They always have trouble putting their heart into what they’re doing, especially when they’re making love.
But who they were going to be, what they were destined to become, was determined long before they were born, by the men who fucked their mothers and the men who fucked their mothers’ mothers.
I could easily picture what Qi had done to get Saining into such a mixed-up state.
Now she was telling me, Don’t try to influence him. There’s only one thing I want from him right now. I just want to hear him tell the truth, just once.
This was the first time Qi had looked at me since Saining had walked through the door. In my mind, this tiny woman was pure evil, but she had a hypnotic power, which had Saining and me standing there as though we were in some kind of trance.
I knew you wouldn’t be able to do it, she said to Saining. I don’t ever want to see any of these clothes again. You’re such a bore!
Qi started tearing off her clothes and flinging them at Saining, piece by piece. With purposeful movements, she stripped down right in front of us, and as I watched, her “frailty” took on an unexpected power, became an object of respect. I discovered that this little whore was actually very beautiful. Until now, I wouldn’t have been able to define her beauty. It was a melancholy beauty and inseparable from her body.
I’ve seen through you! Qi took a stack of CDs out of the cabinet and hurled them at Saining.
He knelt down and began trying to gather up the disks. He had a nasty expression on his face, which made me sick at heart.
Do you understand? I don’t feel anything for you at all! I want you out of my life! I don’t want you ever to come near me again.
Saining had heard enough, and with his arms full of CDs, he opened the door and went out, with Qi wailing after him: You worthless shit! I was so wrong about you! I’m always wrong about people!
I said to Qi, I’ll say! You were dead wrong about him. He was already in love with me. He couldn’t fall in love with you too. He couldn’t have done it, and you shouldn’t have expected him to. He and I are really in love. We love each other very much.
I started to cry.
Qi also began crying. I’m so sorry, she said.
I said, You’re sorry? After all I did for you, you went and seduced Saining behind my back, and now you say you’re sorry?
Qi’s voice went cold. She spoke deliberately, choosing each word carefully: There’s just one thing that I think you should know. Saining came to me. He got into my bed, not the other way around.
All of a sudden, things looked very different to me. In a panic, I burst out of her apartment.
When I got to the ground floor of her building, I found Saining huddled there, and a conversation that Qi and