Christmas on Primrose Hill by Karen Swan Read Free Book Online Page A

her elbows were on her knees. ‘I mean, don’t tell me you’ve gone all blasé about it because he’s been following you for all of twelve hours now.’
    Nettie rolled her eyes and stepped off the scales. She’d eat nothing but fruit today, she decided. ‘No, but—’
    ‘The man is six foot of pure, liquid sex appeal.’ She closed her eyes, her hands wafting in front of her face. ‘I mean, just consider the hair.’ She opened her eyes and scowled to see that Nettie hadn’t closed hers. ‘Go on. Consider it.’
    Nettie sighed and closed her eyes.
    ‘Imagine running that silky brown hair through your fingers, those soft curls tickling your face—’
    ‘He’s had a haircut now, hasn’t he?’
    ‘Has he?’ Jules opened her eyes, looking stern that she hadn’t been notified of it before now.
    Nettie peered at her through one open eye. ‘Yeah. He’s got it short again. Not many curls left.’
    ‘Huh . . .’ She closed her eyes again. ‘Well, anyway, your kids might have curly hair – that’s what I’m saying.’ She slapped her hands above her heart. ‘Imagine how
cute
they’d be.’
    Nettie arched an eyebrow.
    ‘And his eyes. Oh my God, the colour. No one has eyes like that. What would you call them?’
    ‘Green?’
    ‘Khaki, Nets! He has khaki eyes. So cool.’
    ‘He has cool eyes?’
    ‘Everything about that man is cool – in a red-hot way,’ Jules sighed. ‘I mean, just imagine it, Nets, those eyes staring at you – you might dive in and never get out again, like one of those flooded quarry pits.’
    Nettie frowned. ‘That’s really not a very sexy analogy.’
    ‘You’re right. Scratch that. Scratch it from the record.’ She waved her arms wildly and Nettie caught sight of the list in her hand again.
    ‘Just tell me what it is you think I should do.’
    Jules held out the list, biting her lip apprehensively as Nettie scanned it with a bemused expression. ‘I don’t even know what half of this means. What is all this stuff?’
    ‘Just what I said – a round-up of the best Internet memes. Funny, random, bizarre stuff. Nothing dangerous.’
    Nettie inhaled deeply, her eyes coming back to Jules’s. ‘So what exactly is horse . . . What does that say? “Horse-
manning
”?’
    ‘Oh, that’s one of the funniest,’ Jules laughed. ‘Always cracks me up.’
    ‘Yes, but what
is
it?’
    ‘You have to get someone to lie, like on a table or a bed, in a position where you can’t see their head, and then you put
your
head – just your head; that’s all they can see – a short distance away.’
    Nettie frowned. ‘So, like that scene with the disembodied horse head in
The Godfather
, then?’
    ‘Exactly! Bloody funny.’
    ‘If you say so.’ She looked at the list again, puffing out through her cheeks. ‘If this is what passes for fun on the Net, no wonder I’m a technophobe.’ She frowned as she saw the last dare on the list. ‘Oh my God! Are you kidding?’
    Jules frowned. ‘What?’
    ‘I am not dyeing my eyebrows blue.’
    ‘Not even for Jamie?’ her friend wheedled.
    Nettie chuckled. ‘As if he’d want me after any of that anyway!’
    ‘He’d admire you.’
    ‘Thanks, but it’s not his admiration I’m after.’
    Jules looked pained.
    ‘Forget it. I’m not doing it.’ Nettie opened the bathroom door, plumes of steam escaping ahead of her into the narrow landing. Jules trotted after her.
    ‘But that’s why I put it at the end. It’s the pièce de résistance. We’ll work up to it.’
    Nettie stopped at her bedroom door. ‘No.’
    ‘Well, let’s keep it at the end for the time being; that way, you’ve got the chance to mull it over. Think it over at leisure?’
    ‘I’m not doing it –
any
of it. I don’t see how doing any of those things is going to attract someone like Jamie Westlake.’
    ‘Because they’re funny and that’s why he followed you in the first place. The guy’s obviously got a great sense of humour.’
    ‘The answer is still