City of Spies by Nina Berry Read Free Book Online Page B

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    She was accustomed to the hatred that came her way for killing Daddy and Ava in the car crash. But most of the world didn’t know the intimate details of the ten months she’d dated Nicky. Pagan’s image until the crash had been sweet and spotless. Good girls didn’t sleep with their boyfriends. Good girls waited for marriage, and she’d seemed like a good girl till it all came falling down.
    After the crash, few people ever learned she’d started drinking at age twelve. The studio’s publicity team had made sure any previous, smaller incidents were never brought to light.
    Fewer still knew that she’d gone further with Nicky than good girls allowed.
    Jared took Tony by the shoulder and pulled him aside to speak with him alone on the other side of the room. Tony looked over at her, his nose wrinkled with contempt, and she had to look away.
    Pagan had started dating Nicky when she was fifteen and deep into the bottle to numb herself after Mama’s suicide. Having Nicky’s delighted attention, knowing he desired her above all else, had been almost as intoxicating as the martinis. He’d nearly filled the dark hole in her heart. For that reason alone she would’ve done anything he asked, as long as he loved her.
    And Nicky had truly loved her. He still might, even though he’d impregnated and married another girl, a girl who looked an awful lot like Pagan.
    Whether or not she’d truly loved Nicky, Pagan wasn’t so sure now. The alcohol had clouded her judgment, to say the least. She’d done a lot of things she might not have, if she’d been sober. She regretted so much, but before the accident there had also been good times. That period in her life could be smeared with either a gritty or a rosy haze, depending on the day.
    She realized she was leaning against the bare wall, shoulders hunched, so she forced herself to stand up tall. Good posture was the key to faking self-assurance, Mama had said. And once you fooled everyone else into thinking you were confident, somehow you fooled yourself. Right now she needed to fake it, hard.
    Jared left Tony and came to stand in front of her, a watchful look in his eye. “How are we doing?” he asked.
    â€œI’m fine.” She kept her tone cool, distant. At least she wasn’t trembling.
    â€œI’ve asked Tony to change his attitude, and he has agreed. We need to make this work. How do you feel about that?”
    Pagan glanced over at Tony. He was staring fixedly at a chalk mark on the floor.
    â€œI think we should take a break for the rest of the day and try again tomorrow.”
    Jared shook his head. “We need to get you both back on the horse immediately, to mend this. Then I’ll let you go.” He paused, trying to get a read on her face. “You’re still not up to speed, my dear. You need the practice.”
    Pagan kept her face very still. She could do this. “Then let’s practice.”
    Jared smiled and leaned in to speak in a lower tone. “You know he’s an insecure little bitch and you’re going to dance him off the screen, right?”
    It was a transparent attempt to bolster her, but she couldn’t help a tiny smile. Underneath her humiliation, a little spark ignited and began to burn it away.
    People said ugly things because they were ugly inside. Or at least that would be her theory until she got through the rest of this rehearsal.
    â€œExcellent. Tony, let’s do it a few more times, please. Nadia?” Jared cued the wizened one at the piano as Tony got into position and Pagan began her lonely initial steps.
    Tony stepped in and grabbed her hand vigorously. Stiff, Pagan turned toward him and did her back ocho in surprise. As he pulled her in again, she couldn’t help it; her resistance was real, and his grip on her hand tightened until her finger bones cracked.
    Only a few more steps. She forced herself to melt, to yield as they