Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done Read Free Book Online

thirty-three variations:
    dear mom and dad
    dear mom and Dad
    dear mom And dad
    dear Mom and dad
    Dear mom and dad
    dear mom and dad,
    dear mom and Dad,
    dear mom And dad,
    dear Mom and dad,
    Dear mom and dad,
    dear mom And Dad
    dear Mom And dad
    Dear Mom and dad
    dear Mom and Dad
    Dear mom And dad
    Dear mom and Dad
    dear mom And Dad,
    dear Mom And dad,
    Dear Mom and dad,
    dear Mom and Dad,
    Dear mom And dad,
    Dear mom and Dad,
    Dear Mom And dad
    Dear Mom and Dad
    Dear mom And Dad
    dear Mom And Dad
    Dear Mom And Dad
    Dear Mom And dad,
    Dear Mom and Dad,
    Dear mom And Dad,
    dear Mom And Dad,
    Dear Mom And Dad,
    And my favorite:
Dear Mom and Dad Comma
    After the children finished their greetings, I tapped my pen on the board. “Okay class, look here. What I’m about to say is
very
important.” I waited until everyone’s eyes were on me. “You do
not
write under the word
Dear.
This is where we indent.”
    Melanie looked puzzled. “What’s
that
?”
    I looked around the room. “Who here knows what an indent is?”
    “My mom has one on the side of her car,” Laura chipped in.
    “Well,” I laughed, “that’s
sort
of an indent. An indent in a letter is where you leave a space.” I walked to the board and put my finger under the word
Dear.
“You do
not
write there.”
    “Why?” Dylan called out.
    I shrugged. “That’s just how you do it.” I pounded the same spot on the board with my fist. “DO. NOT. WRITE. THERE.”
    There was a good reason that I was making such a big production of this. No matter how many times teachers say, “Do not write
     under the word
Dear,
” half the class will. I don’t know why, but children just do
not
want to leave a space under that word. I’ve tried having them put a finger under it, but that doesn’t work. They’ll spend
     five minutes coloring their fingernails. I’ve told them that there’s “hot lava” under that
Dear,
and they can’t touch it. But the hot lava idea backfired. As soon as I said it, everyone wanted to write in the lava spot
     and scream that their words were burning up. I know I shouldn’t say this, but I hate that indent.
    I forged ahead.
    “Okay, boys and girls, the next part of our letter is called the
Body.
It is the main part of your letter. It is
not
to be confused with this kind of body.” I posed like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Giggles. “In the body you should welcome your
     parents and thank them for coming to Back to School Night. Ask them to look around the room at your work.”
    It is at this point in every letter writing lesson that one of your students will say, “I don’t know what to write.” To avoid
     this I always write a sample on the board. I began writing.
    Dear Mom and Dad,
    Welcome to Back to School Night! Thank you for coming to my classroom. Please look around the room at my work. You will see…
    “Mr. Done?” Christopher interrupted.
    “What?” I said, continuing to write.
    “Can we tell our parents that they have to listen to the teacher?”
    I smiled. “Sure.”
    Trevor grinned. “Can we tell them that if they don’t listen they have to go to the principal’s office?”
    Melanie giggled.
    “Uh… I think that’s going a little too far.”
    Stacy raised her hand as I finished writing the example.
    “Yes, Stacy?”
    “How long does the letter have to be?”
    “Mmm… I’d say about half a page. You’re big third graders now. Third graders can write at least half a page.”
    Stacy’s jaw fell open. David threw his head on his desk. Gina made a high-pitched squeal. You’d think I had just asked them
     to write
Moby-Dick.
    “Can we copy that?” Rebecca asked.
    “Yes.”
    Brian’s hand was up next.
    “Yes, Brian?”
    “I don’t know what to write.”
    I was almost finished with the lesson. “Okay, kids, the last part of the letter is called the
Closing.
Watch closely.” I put my finger up on the date. “Place your finger on the beginning of the date like this.” The children
     copied me. “Now