Collection by John Rector Read Free Book Online

whispers something in her ear, and they both head toward the path that leads past the grove of cottonwoods to the river.   “I’ll be right back,” Tanya says.
    There’s no moon tonight, and all I see is the red tip of Tanya’s cigarette moving up and down between two dark shapes.   I look up at the swirl of stars, bright and deep against the black sky, and I think about my brother.   He must’ve hated me when I was younger, before he left for college.  
    Probably natural, I suppose.  
    I hear Megan yell, and Tanya yell back, but the wind covers the sound and I can’t tell what they’re saying.   The red glow of Tanya’s cigarette moves toward me.   When she gets closer, I ask what happened.
    “I told her to go and sit by the water.”   She turns and looks over her shoulder.   “My Mom isn’t going to let me out of the house after this.”   She puts the cigarette to her lips and her face glows red.   “Oh well, might as well enjoy tonight, right?”
    We stand there for a while, quiet, not looking at each other.   My stomach hurts, my arms are weak, and my tongue feels too big behind my teeth.   I take another drink and drop the empty bottle on the ground.   “You want to sit in the car?”   I say, not looking up.
    Tanya drops her cigarette and crushes it with her foot.   “Sure,” she says.   “Why not.”
     
    ~
               
    Tanya tastes like beer and strawberry lip-gloss.   Her tongue stabs in and out of my mouth in quick circles, and I move my hand in slower circles over her stomach.   I let my pinky finger slide under her pants and I feel the elastic top of her underwear.   I move lower with each pass, hoping if I move slow enough she won’t notice, but she does, and eventually she grabs my hand and pulls it back.  
    I wait a few minutes before I try again.  
    This time my finger touches hair, and my heart practically explodes in my chest.   She doesn’t stop me, and for a moment I’m unsure what to do next.   I slide my hand down further, working slow, trying not to draw attention to my actions.   My chest aches, and I realize I’m holding my breath.
    Megan knocks at the window, and Tanya jumps up.  
    I pull back and breathe.
    “It’s too dark out here,” Megan says.   Her voice sounds flat through the glass.   “I can’t see anything.”
    Tanya rolls down the window and speaks slowly.   “Go away.”
    Megan folds her arms across her chest. “You can’t do this, Tanya.   It’s dark out here, and I want to leave.”
    “Then go.”
    “Tanya!”
    “I’m not stopping you.”   She points in the direction of the road.   “You want to go home?   Go.”
    They stare at each other, and for a moment neither of them says anything.   I open another beer and take a long drink.   I can still feel my heart pound against my ribs.   Tanya starts to roll up her window.
    “Tanya?”   Megan says.   Her voice sounds weaker now.
    “What?  
    “You’re suppose to—”
    “This is what we’re doing.”   Tanya yells, and Megan takes a step back.   “If you don’t like it, then walk home.”
    Megan looks from the car to the road, then back.   “Fine,” she says, turning away.   “I will.”   After a few steps she’s gone, lost in the darkness.  
    I take another drink.
    “What a bitch,” Tanya says.   “She’s going to tell my Mom all of this, watch.”
    “Maybe we shouldn’t let her go.”
    “Why?   If she wants to walk home, let her.”
    I hold the bottle out for her.   “What if someone picks her up?”
    “Who?” Tanya takes the beer and finishes it.   “There’s no one out here.   Let her walk for a while.   She’ll come back when she gets tired.”
    Something inside tells me this might be a bad idea, but then Tanya is on top of me, and I stop listening.   I reach my hands behind her back and find the latch of her bra.   It turns out to be more difficult than I expect, and after a while I swallow my pride and ask for