Confessions of a Backup Dancer by Tucker Shaw Read Free Book Online

forth. it was obvious she didn’t know what to do. it was like she was waiting for me to say something meaningful, wise, hopeful, or something. I’m likehi, I don’t have a team of writers like they do on lifetime. and guess what I don’t need the pressure!
    the best I could think of was, “bye mom.”
    then she really went for it. she was whimpering, like, “ok baby. Go. Go because you CAN. I love you. I’ll always be watching. i’ve never stopped watching everything you do, I never will. now, go.”
    she smiled but it was one of those moms-only “I want you to think that I don’t want you to see it but really I do want you to see that I’m dying on the inside smiles.” but it wasn’t just for effect … I could tell it was hard for her. isn’t it weird how you find yourself in those moments sometimes and you feel like it’s not real, and you can’t help thinking that what the other person is saying is totally cheesy? and then, like, later, after the moment’s waaay gone, out of the blue, you realize how much it affected you or whatever and you start to bawl like a “Baby-Wails-a-Lot” doll?
    that happened to me like 10 minutes ago. I mean I didn’t really start to BAWL, but i’m kinda sniffly and weepy at the moment. when I began to cry the driver turned up the radio on this awful country station. I think he was trying to get out of asking “what’s wrong?” which is fine with me cause I didn’t want to talk to him about it anyway.
    I just kept thinking what mom said: “Go because you can.” like, kinda saying I’m old enough to handle it, smart enough to deal, talented enough to succeed, all that stuff. it’s weird to realize how much it matters tome that my MOM would think that about me, that she trusts me, that she believes in me or something.
    so here we are, on the way. Clay Aiken is blasting into my ears and it hurts. god I hope I remembered my discman. I need some sarah mclachlan and a nap …
    WAIT! PANIC! I just had a horrible thought. What if everyone on the It’s Darcy!! tour hates me?
    There goes my nap with Sarah McL.
    TUESDAY JUNE 4
    DARCY’S HOUSE (or as everyone here calls it, “D-Zone”)
    LOS ANGELES, 11:54 PM
    Outfit: official It’s Darcy!! concert tour tee (white on black), basketball shorts
    Hair: they want me blonder. fine with me.
    Mood: wiped out. been trying to keep my head down and do everything right. so far no major mess-ups. but no one’s really being nice to me. I can’t tell if they all hate me, but there sure have been a lot of staredowns.
    Fortune: No one knows you better than you.

    I am so tired I can’t tell my ass from my elbow anymore. I’ve met more people in two days than I’d ever met before in my life, dancers, backup singers, managers, agents, drivers, bodyguards … it’s insane. I’m exhausted, where do I begin?
    for starters, eileen told me yesterday that I had to change my name.
    so from now on i’m officially K.K. Darcy and everyone thinks K.K. sounds more “REAL” than Kelly. I guess the fact that it’s not my real name doesn’t really matter.
    I’m still not sure if that means I’m K.K. Kimball or just K.K. I guess I’ll have to check the program.
    whatever, i’m cool with it, most of the dancers seem to have nicknames, I probably would have pickedsomething else, but what am I going to do, argue about it and lose the job?
    so after getting up at 8 (we each share a room with another dancer but I have a room to myself because I’m new, I guess), all the dancers did a stretching class for an hour, then a pilates/core strength class for an hour. I didn’t realize that stuff could be so tough, I was ready for a break.
    except we didn’t get one. darcy emerged from her suite at 10:30 AM , and we started rehearsing. and we didn’t finish until 11 PM .
    no