Confessions of a Hollywood Star by Dyan Sheldon Read Free Book Online Page A

straight at me of course.
    I smiled in the philosophical way of servants throughout the ages. “Well, Europe’s waited centuries for you to visit – I guess it can survive a little longer.”
    I could tell from the faces of the disciples that I hadn’t yet stepped on the banana skin. But I was about to.
    The tiny glass bells tinkled wildly. “Naturally, Daddy found a way to make it up to me.”
    I didn’t reply. I felt like someone tied to a stake watching a rhino charge towards her. I knew what was going to happen next.
    Carla’s smile was so out of control by now that I felt like I was staring right at the sun. “Can you believe it? He asked Charley if maybe they could find a small part in the movie for me, and Charley was so grateful that he said yes!”
    I could believe it. What I couldn’t believe was that this was all my fault – me and my big mouth.
    “Isn’t that awesome?” breathed Marcia.
    “Awesome…” echoed Tina.
    “Awesome…” echoed Alma.
    “Well, I couldn’t refuse, could I?” purred Carla.
    I forced myself to rally. “Of course you couldn’t. You have too generous a nature.”
    Carla’s voice was like cream sliding over ice. “So I guess I’ll see you on set,” said Carla.
    “If Lola really has a part, you mean,” said Alma.
    Tina nodded.
    Marcia said, “That’s right. Just because Lola says something doesn’t mean it’s true.”
    They must’ve rehearsed this at least a dozen times. They all had their parts down pat.
    I smiled back. “Don’t worry,” I said. “It’s true.”
    “And we’ve heard that before,” said Tina.
    Once again I made my exit not to applause, but to laughter.
    If you believe what you read on greetings cards and in magazines, the benefit of friends is having people around who comfort and support you when the cold, cruel world turns against you and your soul has more dark nights than the army has guns. “I am lost!” you cry to the uncaring sky. “How can I hope to go on?!” And that’s when your friends all rally round, telling you how great you are and how none of your problems are your fault.
    I was totally in an I am lost! How can I hope to go on? mood after my conversation with Carla.
    “I can’t believe it,” I muttered as Sam, Morty, Ella and I climbed into Sam’s car. “Carla always gets her way. She must’ve been an absolute monarch in a previous life.” Either that or God.
    As an example of how real life does not imitate greetings cards, Ella said, “Just forget it, will you?”
    Sam was even more sympathetic. He looked at me like I was a leaking carburetor. “It serves you right,” said Sam. “That’s what you get for lying.”
    Even Morty jumped on the I-told-you-so wagon. “You really should’ve known this would happen,” said Morty. “It’s not as if you don’t know what she’s like.”
    “I know she’s a devious, egocentric, manipulative witch, but even I didn’t expect her to dump Europe for this.”
    Sam looked over at me as we moved out of the parking lot. “Why not?”
    “Because I didn’t, that’s why not.”
    “You’re like a kid playing with a loaded gun who’s all surprised when he shoots himself with it,” said Sam.
    “I begged you not to lie any more, didn’t I?” chimed in Ella. “I don’t know why you can never just let sleeping dogs snore away in the corner. Why do you always have to wake them up?”
    Has anyone been more misunderstood than I? “But that’s exactly the point!” I wailed. “I wasn’t lying, was I?”
    Sam’s a very conscientious driver, but even he took his eyes from the road for a second to look at me. “What do you mean you weren’t lying?”
    “You mean you really got a part?” demanded Ella. Since everything in Sam’s car is no more than a few inches away she was pretty much screaming in my ear.
    “Not exactly. I mean, not yet. But I will. That’s why it wasn’t a lie. It was just a premature announcement.”
    Sam hooted. “A premature