Count It All Joy by Ashea S. Goldson Read Free Book Online

never liked me living in Rochester while they lived in Long Island. She also never liked me being married to Delilah. I’m not saying that my mother was glad Delilah was gone, but I honestly don’t think she lost any sleep over her death either. So I moved to Brooklyn, and I became heavily involved in the church, throwing myself in and never looking back. It was either Jesus all the way or death. That’s how I felt. So I kept myself busy; too busy to hurt, too busy to even feel. I didn’t want to feel anything. I just wanted to work hard, day and night, and maybe even work myself to death.
    As time went on, my busy work became more content driven. I began reading, and studying, and hearing God’s inaudible voice. So I signed up at Missionary Bible Institute to help me understand what I was experiencing. The next thing I knew I was ordained as a deacon and feeling the nudge to preach the gospel. The more I went to God about it, the more I was pulled in, sucked in, like I had to do it to save lives—and to save my own.
    After I received my master of divinity degree, all of my family and friends gathered around to celebrate with me, including Alex’s Aunt Dorothy who gave me one of her usual warm hugs. Her arms were snug and soft, and she always smelled like vanilla. Alex’s dad came over and shook my hand firmly. Then he looked me up and down kind of suspicious-like, but I knew he just wanted to protect his daughter so I tried to overlook it. I mean, brother to brother, I respected the man. He had given me Alex and despite his shortcomings, that was all that mattered. My sister-in law, Taylor, was there too, but I noticed that Keith, her fiancé, stayed a safe distance away from her. I figured Taylor had probably been nagging him about something.
    Women could get on a brother’s nerves fast.
    â€œCongratulations, Deacon Joshua, uh, I mean, Reverend Joshua,” Minister Harris said.
    â€œOh, that’s okay. Don’t worry about titles. I’m still me,” I said. “Thanks.”
    The Missionary church choir sang. Pastor Martin led the ordination ceremony. My dad and mom spoke briefly. Dr. Harding did his usual speech on vision and fulfilling the will of God for our lives. And I received my degree right on time. I felt really good, like everything was coming together. Everything except one important thing.
    Now that I was officially a minister, all I had to do to have my life on track was to just get this baby thing right. Thanks to Alex, that was becoming a real mess. She kept fighting it, making excuses. Then there was that terrible thing she did to her body all those years ago. I mean, she was forgiven, but man, why did I have to deal with that same issue again? After Delilah died, I thought I was done with the whole abortion issue. I mean, how many men have their wives die while murdering their child? And I knew those were harsh words, but that was how I felt about it.
    I had gotten past it, but sometimes I didn’t know how much more I could take. I needed to fix everything, to have a son with Alex and finish my family once and for all.
    I looked at her across the room and wanted to hold her right there on the spot, to tell her everything was going to be okay, that I was going to make sure of it.
    â€œI’m proud of you, son.” Dad pulled me into a bear hug, but he felt thinner than usual. My heart jumped as I thought about the possibility of losing him.
    I looked across the crowd at my mother. She turned in her very snug two-piece suit and winked at me. I remembered when I’d earned my MBA, how I looked out at my parents and my mother winked at me from the audience. Eventually she made her way over to me and gave me her longest motherly hug, with just a bit of warmth and a hint of discipline. It was good to know she still cared, even though I recently disappointed her. Mother was always tough.
    â€œCongratulations, Brother Benning.” Sister Trudy