Critical Failures II (Caverns and Creatures Book 2) by Robert Bevan Read Free Book Online Page A

rather than sever his arm.
    “What the fuck, man!”
    The dog leapt into Tony’s arms and covered his face in slobber.
    “Sorry,” said Tony the Elf. “I couldn’t let you shoot my dog.”
    “I thought it was attacking you!”
    “Dude,” said Dave. “It’s just a sheepdog. What could it have done to him?”
    “I don’t know,” said Tim, still fiery mad from having just been attacked. “Maybe it was an evil sheepdog or something.”
    “Evil sheepdog?” asked Jorn. “Are you in your right mind, boy?”
    “All I know is that Tony was backing away, looking at it like it was an ex-wife out on parole early, and it was running at him.”
    “That is kind of strange,” Dave admitted. “Why were you freaking out so bad over a sheepdog?”
    Tony the Elf scratched the dog on its head. “It’s not just a sheepdog now. It’s my Animal Companion.”
    “What?” said Tim. “How?”
    “Rangers get Animal Companions at Level 4, which I just made yesterday while out boar hunting. I was going to go into the woods tomorrow and try to find something a little more badass. Maybe a wolf or an eagle or something. I wasn’t exactly looking for a stray dog.”
    “Um…” said Dave. “Sorry?”
    Jorn wore a broad, hairy grin. “What are you going to name him?”
    “I don’t know,” said Tony the Elf. “I’ll have to think about it, but right now I’m leaning toward ‘Dave’.”
    They made it the rest of the way to the Piss Bucket Tavern without incident. The tavern was quiet when they reached it, with only the tiniest hint of candlelight flickering in the windows. Ravenus flew out of the darkness and perched on the tavern sign.
    Tony the Elf addressed the rest of his party. “Shut up.” He pushed the door open.
    “We’re closed!” bellowed the minotaur over the sound of a broom sweeping broken glass across a rough wooden floor.
    “Morty. It’s me, Tony the Elf.”
    The tinkling and sweeping stopped, and a massive set of hooved feet stomped across the floor toward them. Dave took a step back.
    “Tony,” said the minotaur, opening the door wider. He looked down at Dave the Dog. “Cute dog.”
    “Thanks,” said Tony the Elf.
    “What brings you here at this time of night?” It snorted at Tim and Dave. “I see you’ve become acquainted with my latest set of cast offs.”
    “Well see, that’s the thing,” said Tony the Elf. “You didn’t send the full set.”
    “Speak plainly, elf. It’s been a long night.”
    “If you recall,” said Dave. “I asked you to send over a girl.”
    “And so I did. She’s right next to you. I wish you a wonderful life together.”
    “You sent the wrong girl,” said Tim.
    The minotaur snorted. “Well that is awkward.”
    “It’s not like that,” said Tim. “My sister is missing.”
    “Well she hasn’t been in here.”
    “I haven’t even told you what she looks like yet.”
    “Listen, kid,” the beast’s patience was straining in its voice. “There haven’t been any halfling women in here tonight.”
    “She’s not a halfling. She’s a half-elf.”
    “She’s a what?” said Jorn.
    The minotaur closed his eyes, took some deep breaths, and opened them again. “Tony, I know that you know better than to come over here at this time of night and – how do you folks put it – fuck with me?”
    “Of course I know that, Morty,” said Tony the Elf. “Just like you know better than to ask questions about things that don’t make a whole lot of sense as far as our people are concerned.”
    The minotaur nodded his giant horned head. “Well played, sir. I know that well.”
    “Is this one of those cultural differences you were talking about?” asked Jorn.
    “Absolutely,” said Tony the Elf.
    “Her name is Katherine. She was sitting at the bar,” said Tim. “She was with a human Bard and a wolf named Butter-something. Butterbits… Buttermilk… Bread n’ Butter…”
    The minotaur swallowed and lowered his eyes. “I don’t recall seeing anyone