Critical Failures III (Caverns and Creatures Book 3) by Robert Bevan Read Free Book Online

Chaz. “What if Randy comes out of the spell?”
    “Keep this pointed at him.” Tim slapped the gun into Chaz’s gut. “It’s just as good as a spell.”
    Tim grabbed the rear bumper of the van and lifted himself inside like a gymnast. He and Dave closed the doors. Dave sat back against the wall, but Tim’s mind was racing. He could feel his pulse beating in his temples. He scanned the van until he spotted a roll of duct tape. That would do.
    As soon as the van’s engine started up, Tim got to work taping Dennis’s hands together and his mouth shut. He then set to unbuckling the officer’s belt.
    “Um…” said Dave. “What the hell are you doing?”
    “Do you remember that scene in Fight Club ,” said Tim, “when Brad Pitt threatens to cut the police commissioner’s balls off?” He unzipped Dennis’s pants and pulled them down to his knees, revealing white briefs against whiter skin. “See if you can find a rubber band.”
    “Are you out of your fucking mind?” said Dave. “That dude’s a cop. Don’t you think we’re in deep enough shit as it is?”
    “This dude just tried to fuck me against my will,” said Tim.
    “Yeah, I know, but –”
    “And do I have to remind you that he thought I was a kid?”
    “I’m only thinking about –”
    “You’re not thinking,” said Tim. “You and Chaz are missing the bigger picture here. We’re off the grid. If the cops get us on camera, get our fingerprints or whatever, who gives a fuck? We’re in deep shit all right. But here’s the good part. We’re in so deep that we get to act with a sort of impunity. We can’t live here like this. There are only two ways this can end. We get Mordred to change us back into our normal selves, in which case we’ll never be suspected of the crimes committed by the carnival freaks we currently are. Or we die trying, in which case why not put the fear of God into this kid-fucker before we go?”
    Tim pulled the cop’s underwear down. The sick fucker still had a semi going. He wiped his sweaty palm on his pants and shivered as he wrapped his hand around Dennis’s scrotum. He drew his dagger and placed the blade against the base of the sack. “Wake him up.”
    “I don’t think this is a good idea,” said Dave.
    “Fine,” said Tim. “ I’ll wake him up.” He squeezed Dennis’s balls together.
    Dennis groaned. It sounded more like pleasure than pain, so Tim squeezed harder. The groan became suddenly sharper and louder until Dave finally acquiesced and clapped his palm over Dennis’s mouth.
    Dennis came wide awake and struggled against his bindings.
    “I wouldn’t squirm too much, officer,” said Tim. “I’ve got a knife on your sack.”
    Panic and understanding shone in Dennis’s eyes, and he stopped struggling at once.
    “My friend’s going to take the tape off your mouth,” said Tim. “Promise not to scream?”
    Dennis nodded.
    “All right.” Tim nodded at Dave, who then ripped the duct tape from Dennis's mouth.
    "Ow!" said Dennis. Some of his mustache hairs had come off with the tape. “You two assholes got no idea how much trouble –”
    Tim pressed the dagger more firmly against Dennis’s skin, just short of slicing through. “You’re the one who’s in trouble right now, officer. So shut up and listen.”
    Dave looked sympathetically down at Dennis. “I’d hear him out.”
    “Now here’s what’s going to happen,” said Tim. “I’m not what you think I am. I’ve got eyes and ears all over town, and I’m going to be watching you. If I ever hear of you even looking at another –”
    Bump . The van ran over a pothole, knocking Tim backward onto his ass.
    Dennis screamed.
    Tim looked down and discovered he still had a pair of hairy, bloody testicles in his hand. “FUCK!” He flung the sack away to the other side of the van.
    “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted Dave. He clapped his hand over Dennis’s mouth. “You cut his fucking balls off!” Dennis writhed around, smearing blood