Crushing On The Billionaire (Part 3) by Lola Silverman Read Free Book Online Page B

saucer with a tiny clink. “I told you I was in love with you,” he said, his face neutral. This couldn’t be easy for him to say out loud. “And you said you were in love with my father. That was disappointing, because I did—I mean, I do…damn it…I am in love with you. But I realize that just because one person is in love with someone doesn’t mean that the other person automatically has to be in love with that same person, too.”
    “Shawn, I’m sorry.”
    “No,” he said, cutting me off. “Loren, this is what I’m trying to tell you. You don’t have a single thing to be sorry for. Not one damn thing. Okay?”
    I wasn’t sure that I could agree to that. I felt wretchedly at fault, and still did, no matter what he said. If I had just steered clear of Patrick, then maybe none of this would’ve happened. I could’ve let Shawn down easy, and we could’ve stayed friends without any of this mess happening.
    “You love who you love,” he said. “I can’t help loving you because I admire you. You’re a good person; you’re an amazing photographer; and you’re beautiful. But I was selfish. I wanted you to love me the way I loved you, and that’s wrong. I didn’t process rejection the way that I should have. I let it take ahold of me. I wanted it to take ahold of me. And everything that followed, every harmful substance I put into my body, that’s all my fault. I didn’t cope properly with what happened. I was immature, privileged, and maybe too used to getting whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it. I wasn’t a good person.”
    “Dr. Adams said not to disparage yourself,” I reminded him, my voice shaking.
    He sighed. “It’s the truth, no matter what she says. I was a spoiled brat, and I let it consume me that you loved my father and not me. I put myself at risk; I put others at risk; and I tried to kill myself—nearly killing my father in the process.”
    “It was a situation that was difficult for you to understand,” I argued. “You and I spent so much time together that it almost would’ve made more sense if we did fall in love with each other. We’re the same age, first of all. We’re both getting a degree in an artistic field of study. We make each other laugh.”
    “But we’re not in love with each other,” Shawn said. “I was wrong to think that I was entitled to your love. You love my father. That’s just what it is. I accept that. And I apologize for every drop of disrespect I sprayed at you in the process. I was angry and hurt, but I wasn’t willing to face those feelings and move on. I used everything I could get my hands on to bury them. And that’s something I have to take responsibility for.”
    I didn’t know what to say to that. How could I not try and take responsibility for making him feel like that? I took a shuddering breath.
    “I feel like if I had just stayed away from Patrick after realizing how it made you feel, we could’ve avoided all of this,” I said.
    “Lesson one that I learned here,” Shawn said, holding up a finger, “is that it is useless to try and revisit the past. The past has lessons, sure, but when you talk about going back and doing something different to change the outcome of a situation, it’s a waste of time. Use the past to influence your future decisions, if you’ve learned anything. But that’s not the main point. You don’t have to feel like you should revisit the past and stop yourself from loving my father. That’s ludicrous, Loren, can’t you see that?”
    I shook my head. “I feel at fault.” Stupid tears filled my eyes, and I took a scalding gulp of the tea to try to keep them at bay. “I should’ve been more supportive for you. I should’ve insisted on being near you instead of letting you drift away. I knew you were in trouble, but I hid it from your father at first. I didn’t do enough, and I caused all of this.”
    “You can’t help who you love,” Shawn said. “That’s something you and my father told