heavily and walk out.
Oh shit. They are walking out. Iâm dead.
I panic. âWhatâs wrong?â I ask Self-preservation. â Hey, I told you to get off
the stage. Youâre on your own, jackass ,â he says.
An experienced performer has a few jokes or stories that always get a good response. We
call them âback pocketâ material, and they are held in our minds for occasions like this. I
decide to bring one of them out . . . but my mind draws a complete blank.
I have nothing, so I say, âUh. Does anyone have any questions?â
I honestly expect someone to shout out, âHow come you suck?â But nobody says
anything.
I look at the crowd for a second, and I say with a smile, âWell then, I guess weâre done
here! Thanks a lot for coming, and have a great rest of the weekend!â I start to walk off
stage, with every intention of continuing down the hall, and into the bar.
After a couple of steps, though, they all laugh. Hard.
What? That was funny? Well, I guess after the water crack, pretty
much anything is funny. Okay, Iâll take what I can get at this point. I relax a bit and we get
going. I begin to share my Star Trek memories, and the crowd gets involved.
A woman dressed as Doctor Crusher stands up and says, âSay hello to your mother!â
âOkay . . .â I say, and turn to my real mom, Debbie, who is sitting on the opposite side
of the theatre. âHey mom! Thanks for coming! Do I still suck?â
The whole room turns to find her.
âNo. Youâre doing great, honey,â she says.
âThanks, mom,â I say.
I call on a cute girl who wears a babydoll âSocial Distortionâ shirt.
âWhat was it like to kiss Ashley Judd?â she asks.
I smile broadly. âCome on up here, and Iâll show you!â
Huge laugh. She stands up!
âOh! No! Iâm just kidding!â I hold up my hand, and point into my palm, âmy ifeway isay
inay the eaterthay!â
I glance at my wife. Sheâs laughing and shaking her head, and she winks at me.
I feel good. Theyâre laughing with me, and having a good time.
I call on an older man, who sits near the front, several bags of collectibles at his
feet.
âDo you have a favorite episode of Voyager? â he asks.
âWell, The truth is, Iâve only watched Voyager a couple of times, and
I really donât like it.â
There is a little bit of a gasp. Did Wesley just say he doesnât like
Voyager?
I try to explain. âThe episode was called Scorpion , and I watched it
because my friend designed the monster that terrorized the crew for the entire
episode.â
I hear angry sighs. People turn to talk to each other. Some of them leave.
What happened? All I said was that I donât like Voyager! Whatâs the
big deal? Lots of Trekkies donât like Voyager . Maybe I should have called
it âVâger.â
A guy waves his hand rather urgently, fingers spread in the Vulcan âLive long and prosperâ
salute. I point to him.
âWhat was your favorite episode of Deep Space Nine ?â
âWell, the truth is, DS9 and Voyager just never
appealed to me. The stories didnât interest me as much as the stories on Next
Generation , or Classic Trek ,â I say.
Big mistake. This is not what the fans want to hear. They want to hear how I love and care
about these shows as much as they do, because thatâs exactly what they hear from the other
actors. They get up on stage, and they give the fans exactly what they want.
Well, I donât do that. I tell them what itâs truly like for me, warts and all. The truth
is, sometimes being on Star Trek was the greatest thing in the world. Other times, it
completely sucked. And, as blasphemous as this sounds, at the end of the day it was just a
job.
But when all is said and done, I am still a fan at heart. I loved the original