it.
Lorie looked at the detective, and he could see those faint blue veins showing under her eyes. He wanted to put his arm around her, to make her feel him there, to calm her. But before he could do anything, she started talking again.
“Mrs. Caterpillar,” she said, throwing her hands in the air. “Mrs. Linguini. Madame Lafarge.”
The detective stared at her, not saying anything.
“Let’s try looking her up on the Internet,” Lorie said, her chin jutting and a kind of hard glint to her eyes. All the meds and the odd hours they were keeping, all the sleeping pills and sedatives and Lorie walking through the house all night, talking about nothing but afraid to lie still.
“Lorie,” he said. “Don’t—”
“Everything always happens to me,” she said, her voice suddenly soft and strangely liquid, her body sinking. “It’s so unfair.”
He could see it happening, her limbs going limp, and he made a grab for her.
She nearly slipped from him, her eyes rolling back in her head.
“She’s fainting,” he said, grabbing her, her arms cold like frozen pipes. “Get someone.”
The detective was watching.
“I can’t talk about it because I’m still coping with it,” Lorie told the reporters who were waiting outside the police station. “It’s too hard to talk about.”
He held her arm tightly and tried to move her through the crowd, bunched so tightly, like the knot in his throat.
“Is it true you’re hiring at attorney?” one of the reporters asked.
Lorie looked at them. He could see her mouth open and there was no time to stop her.
“I didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, a hapless grin on her face. As if she had knocked someone’s grocery cart with her own.
He looked at her. He knew what she meant—she meant leaving Shelby for that moment, that scattered moment. But he also knew how it sounded, and how she looked, that panicky smile she couldn’t stop.
That was the only time he let her speak to reporters.
Later, at home, she saw herself on the nightly news
Walking slowly to the TV, she kneeled in front of it, her jeans skidding on the carpet, and did the oddest thing.
She put her arms around it, like it was a teddy bear, a child.
“Where is she?” she whispered. “Where is she?”
And he wished the reporters could see this, the mystifying way grief was settling into her like a fever.
But he was also glad they couldn’t.
It was the middle of the night, close to dawn, and she wasn’t next to him.
He looked all over the house, his chest pounding. He thought he must be dreaming, calling out her name, both their names.
He found her in the backyard, a lithe shadow in the middle of the yard.
She was sitting on the grass, her phone lighting her face.
“I feel closer to her out here,” she said. “I found this.”
He could barely see, but moving closer saw the smallest of earrings, an enamel butterfly, caught between her fingers.
They had had a big fight when she came home with Shelby, her ears pierced, thick gold posts plugged in such tiny lobes. Her ears red, her face red, her eyes soft with tears.
“Where did she go, babe?” Lorie said to him now. “Where did she go?”
He was soaked with sweat and was pulling his T-shirt from his chest.
“Look, Mr. Ferguson,” the detective said, “you’ve cooperated with us fully. I get that. But understand our position. No one can confirm her story. The employee who saw your wife spill her coffee remembers seeing her leave with Shelby. She doesn’t remember another woman at all.”
“How many people were in there? Did you talk to all of them?”
“There’s something else too, Mr. Ferguson.”
“What?”
“One of the other employees said Lorie was really mad about the coffee spill. She told Shelby it was her fault. That everything was her fault. And that Lorie then grabbed your daughter by the arm and shook her.”
“That’s not true,” he said. He’d never seen Lorie touch Shelby roughly. Sometimes it