Dark Diary by P. Anastasia Read Free Book Online

of which I had rarely seen and certainly never possessed.
    Though it sorely matched my dingy off-white tunic, the jacket felt good—wonderful against my skin—and I couldn’t help but smile at the way it fit me.
    But as I turned my wrist over to study the details, a fine pair of silver cufflinks snagged my attention.
    “Are you certain your father does not want these?” My thumb massaged the soft fabric again.
    “Yes.” Kathryn nodded. “I am certain of it.”
    My stomach churned anxiously. Her father was a horrible person and I wanted no part of him—even if it meant giving up the one piece of finery I could have called my own. What I would have given to wear something as fine as it in Kathryn’s presence. But it wouldn’t change me or my place in society.Nothing could.
    I slid the jacket from my arms, folded it neatly, and then stood and handed it back to her. “You can dress me however you wish, Kathryn, but it will not alter the reflection I cast.”
    “I am not trying to change you.” Kathryn’s voice broke and she hugged the folded jacket close to her chest. “I swear it, my love.”
    “Your love ?” I echoed bitterly. “I am no one to your family. I am nothing to those above me, and despite how you may disregard the fact, that does include you.” I turned to leave. “Regardless of what you believe, Kathryn, I will never have permission to love you.”
    She gasped and I immediately made the regrettable mistake of looking back at her. Her pupils were enlarged and her eyes were pink around the edges—the whiteness in them shining with the threat of tears.
    Everything she had done for me had been out of the love and kindness of her heart. She had been my friend for as long as I could remember and I could not stand to see her cry.
    “I appreciate your good intentions,” I said in a quieter tone, approaching her. “But I cannot help but fear that others will misinterpret them.”
    Her frown radiated with sorrow dark enough to shake the heavens. Her smile had always been uplifting and angelic, but her sadness hollowed out my body like death seizing a victim.
    “Please!” I took a step closer and cupped her warm, reddened cheek with my palm. “You do not understand how painful it is for me to see you like this. You mustn’t cry when I am with you.”
    “But, Matthaya, I…” Her breaths were short and sporadic as she gathered the strength to look me in the eye again. “The feelings of others may never change,” she said, choking on tears, “but my feelings for you have grown stronger with each passing day.”
    As had mine…
    “I cannot approve your confession, Kathryn.” I bent down onto one knee and grasped one of her hands between my own. “God knows what your father would do to me if he suspected anything other than child’s play. Our friendship means little to him.” My hands tightened over hers and I hardened my gaze. “Do you want to lose me forever?”
    “No!” She shook her head violently. “No!”
    “If you wish to keep me near, you must tell no one else of your feelings.”
    She trembled within my grasp as I spoke. I didn’t want to scare her, but I had little choice. I would have given anything to be by her side—and everything to remain there. As friends or… more.
    Our differences were facts we had to face. Sooner or later, she would be forced to marry some other man and would be lost to me forever. Until that day, I could not bear to be parted from her and, until that day, I would not ignore the tears she shed for me.
     
    I awoke the next morning, the crowing roosters rousing me from my sleep. The servants’ quarters where I stayed were small and plain, but they suited the very basic needs of living. I was lucky enough to have my own room, though I was hardly there at all. With Kathryn’s frequent invitations to join her elsewhere, one might assume I was an average member of the household.
    There was a bowl of mostly-clean water placed atop the dingy table near my