Death by Tiara by Laura Levine Read Free Book Online

the Miss Teen Queen America pageant. I’m your pageant director, Candace Burke.”
    She smiled coolly as pageant moms and daughters, eager to suck up to her, applauded wildly.
    “Over there behind the buffet table is my assistant, Amy Leighton.”
    The mousy blonde in her red blazer waved from behind the table.
    “And here are this year’s distinguished judges.”
    Candace gestured to the stage where two men and a young woman were sitting behind a table. Hanging from the front of the table was a satin banner, with the words A LTA L OCO T EEN Q UEEN A MERICA embroidered in hot pink letters. The “i” in America, I could not help but notice, was dotted with a tiny tiara.
    “First, let’s all say hello to Dr. Edwin Fletcher, principal of Alta Loco High School.”
    I immediately recognized the skinny guy with the bow tie and wire-rimmed glasses Heather had practically knocked over in her efforts to promote Taylor. Now he gave a curt nod, his lips a thin grim line. Something told me he’d not be handing out a lot of tens.
    “Sitting next to Dr. Fletcher is former Alta Loco Teen Queen, Bethenny Martinez.”
    A Hispanic beauty in her early twenties, blessed with creamy olive skin and lush chestnut hair, Bethenny flashed an Ultra Brite smile and waved to the girls, gliding her palm from side to side, much like Queen Elizabeth waving to the commoners.
    “She’s not so hot,” Heather muttered, prompting all who heard her to wonder if she needed her eyes examined.
    “Our third judge,” Candace was saying, “is none other than Antoine ‘Tex’ Turner of Turner BMW, Alta Loco’s number-one car dealership.”
    A hunky dude in western gear, Tex graced us with a high-testosterone grin.
    “Howdy, gals!” he said, doffing his cowboy hat and revealing a headful of thick, Brad Pitt hair.
    A soft murmur of approval rippled through the audience.
    “And last but not least,” Candace said, yanking her charges back from their fantasies, “I’d like to introduce your pageant emcee, star of stage, screen, and television—my hubby, Mr. Eddie Burke!”
    At which point a short, stocky guy in a bad toupee came bounding out on stage, waving to the audience.
    This was a star of stage, screen, and TV? Really? On what planet?
    “I just flew in from New York,” he announced, “and boy, are my arms tired.”
    Good heavens. Pterodactyls were telling that joke in Jurassic Park .
    He waited in vain for some laughs, then took a seat at the end of the table next to Tex, where he proceeded to scratch his toupee, moving it ever so slightly askew on his head.
    “We’ll be doing Q and A with the judges and Eddie in a few minutes,” Candace said, “but right now I want to remind you of our upcoming schedule of events.
    “Tomorrow we’re having the swimsuit and talent competitions, and on Sunday, the ball gown production number and final crowning, during which one lucky young lady will become Alta Loco’s Teen Queen and receive this genuine Tiffany tiara!”
    She held up the tiara I’d seen in her office, the one with the strange clock in the center.
    “It’s got a built-in clock, so the winner will always remember this very special ‘time’ of her life!”
    “It sure doesn’t look like Tiffany to me,” Heather whispered.
    She was right, of course. As I was to later learn, the manufacturer of this silver-plated headgear was an outfit in Taiwan called Tiphany Novelties and Erotic Toys.
    But at that moment the teens in the audience were gazing at it with unadulterated lust.
    “Remember, girls,” Candace was saying, “the next two days are going to be the most important two days of your life. The Teen Queen America title has been the stepping stone to all sorts of fabulous careers in show business, modeling, and TV weathercasting.
    “Why, just a few months ago Bethenny here,” she said, gesturing to the former teen queen, “was cast in an exciting TV infomercial!”
    Bethenny nodded modestly as the girls in the audience swooned