Deceptions by Judith Michael Read Free Book Online

sail. And I knew 1 could be captain.'
    'You knew nobody paid attention to me when you were fencing. That's why you left the team.'
    'No. I like sailing better than fencing. That was the only reason.' She had never lied to Stephanie before. I'm sorry, she said silently. I just don't know what else to do. 'Anyway,

    what difference does it make, it's all past. Unless you want us to fence together at the Sorbonne; why don't we do that—'
    'It's easier for you to get good grades, too.'
    Sabrina shook her head. She felt sick. How long had Stephanie been hiding these feelings?
    'Oh, yes, it is. You never study or cram and then you get A's, and I'm always studying.'
    'And getting A's.'
    'Yes, but everything comes to you, Sabrina, like grades and fencing and Charles, but I have to work at them and then hold tight or they'll get away.' She was crying, and Sabrina knelt beside her again.
    'Please, Stephanie, stop, please stop, I can't stand it if you cry because of me. I'm sony about Charles, I'm sorry about fencing, but you're more important than anything.' She was crying, too, for Stephanie and for herself, because she'd done everything wrong and Stephanie's anger was shutting her out. 'I don't know what you want me to do, but I'll do whatever—'
    'There isn't anything.' Stephanie sat straight. 'Sabrina, I've decided to go to Bryn Mawr instead of the Sorbonne.'
    Stunned, Sabrina stared at her, 'Bryn Mawr?'
    'It's a good school, and since I'm already enrolled there, thanks to Mother and Daddy, that's where I'll go.'
    'But we were going to Paris together.'
    'Sabrina, don't look so—lost! What are you worried about? You'll be fine. I'm thinking of me. I have to find out who I am separate fi-om you. You're so bright and exciting, I just fade away when you're around. Nobody would notice me at all if you didn't step aside sometimes.'
    'No, no, no.' Vehemently, Sabrina shook her head. 'Of course people notice you, what are you talking about?' But Stephanie was silent, and Sabrina jumped up and began to pace again. Why hadn't they ever talked about these things? We're changing, she thought; we're talking in different ways. And so she told Stephanie something she had never even admitted to herself. 'Stephanie, when I do exciting things, or crazy things, it's because everybody expects it. They tell me how wonderful I am and then I look for more

    things to do ... ' She paused. 'I'm afraid if I don't, they'll stop loving me and thinking I'm wonderful. You're the only one 1 'm sure of who loves me just because I 'm me. Everybody else talks about how beautiful I am, or how exciting it is that I win races and contests, how spectacular I am.' She hesitated again, then burst out, 'I need to be the center of attention. I wish I didn't.'
    Stephanie had stopped crying. 'You'll have the attention all to yourself in Paris.'
    Sabrina stood still and gave her sister a long look. 'I don't deserve that, 1 was trying to be honest.'
    'I'm sorry. 1 meant we'll each have our own attention. For the first time.' Her eyes were bright. 'It'll be an adventure, Sabrina. You always told me I should want them, remember?'
    Sabrina searched those bright tycs for malice but found none. *I never tried to overshadow you,' she said helplessly.
    'Maybe not. But I still feel like I'm just Sabrina Hartwell's twin sister.' She looked down at her hands. 'We'll write to each other instead of talking.'
    Sabrina heard a new note in Stephanie's voice; she was beginning to waver. I could change her mind, she thought. If 1 pushed, if I reminded her of how often we needed each other the last three years, she'd come to Paris. We'd be close again. Once she had told her mother and father, 'Stephanie and I are the only family we have.' It was still true. I could convince her to come with me, she thought.
    But she couldn't do it. Because Stephanie was right; she had to get away. Sabrina shrank from that awful fact - my sister doesn't want to be with me - but she couldn't deny it. She