Deep Surrendering: Episode Four by Chelsea M. Cameron Read Free Book Online Page A

Being with you is like breathing deep for the first time in a long time.”
    He stopped speaking, waiting for my reaction. As always, I gave myself a minute to think about what he’d told me. If it changed my view of him. We were both waiting for that one secret he’d tell me that would tip me over the edge. That one that I wouldn’t be able to get past. It hadn’t happened yet, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t.
    “That’s seriously fucked up, Fin. But you know that.”
    He rolled over and winced. “Yes, I do.”
    “I can’t believe he’d do that. No wonder he gives me the heebies.”
    “He does that to a lot of people.”
    I don’t know what made me ask the next question, but for some reason I needed to know. “What’s her name?”
    “She’s never told me her real name. I just call her Sapphire.”
     

     
    We stayed in bed until nearly all the candles went out. I had all sorts of questions about hiring a hooker, but I didn’t want to ask any of them. So I talked about other things.
    “Have you ever gotten high?” I liked talking into the night, when Fin was free with his words.
    “More times than I’d like to count.”
    “On just pot, or other stuff too?”
    He hesitated, but really, how much worse could it be than having sex with a prostitute?
    “Come on, tell me. I’ve only smoked pot once or twice. Stupid college stuff. And I borrowed somebody’s ADHD pills once to study for a test. But that’s all. I don’t even drink that much. I don’t like feeling like I’m impaired. Like I’m not myself. Like I’m not in control.”
    “I know,” he said. “That’s why I stopped. I liked the whole not-feeling or pleasant-feeling aspect, but for a control freak, drugs don’t really work out. I had to stop because it was affecting my job. So then I just turned to sex and that was my drug. Better high.” He gave me a grim smile. Yeah, the high from sex was definitely worth it. And much healthier for you than coke or heroin. At least, up to a certain point.
    “You’re a total bad boy. Sloane told me that I’ve always been secretly attracted to them.”
    “Really? I’ve never thought of myself that way.”
    The last candle went out, pulling us into darkness.
    “But I guess I am.”

 
     
     
     
     

     
    I asked Fin if he wanted to sleep in my bed with me or if he wanted to take the couch. I didn’t even bother to suggest I sleep on the couch. I knew he’d never go for it.
    “I think I can stay here. I’ve done it before. I think I can do it again.”
    “And the sex? Do you think the sex could happen again?” Before he left, preferably.
    “Maybe. I leave on Friday. It’s almost Thursday.” I glanced at the clock and saw that he was right. Shit. He was leaving in a little over a day. How had the time gone that fast?
    “You can’t go,” I said, wiggling closer to him.
    “I have to. But now I have a reason to come back. And something to look forward to. Do you … do you think we should stay in touch?”
    What a stupid question. Of course we should.
    “Absolutely. I’d miss you if you just dropped out of my life. We can video chat and text, and I know it’s going to be weird with the time difference, but we’ll make it work. Right?”
    “We can try. I can send you souvenirs and stupid touristy things.” That would definitely give me something to look forward to. “And talking with you will help me pass some of the time. Meetings can be terribly dull and long when we have to get everything translated.” Fin’s company worked almost exclusively with foreign companies who wanted to break into US markets. Some of the companies had English speakers on staff, but some of them didn’t, so negotiations and presentations could take forever.
    “I like that. And then when you get back, we can have a reunion. It’ll be like a conjugal visit.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.
    “Now that I like. And perhaps during our video chats, you might give me a glimpse of what I’ll be