Deryni Checkmate by Katherine Kurtz Read Free Book Online

the stage for all that was now happening...
     
    “BUT I don’t understand why you have to go so far,” Kelson had argued. “Why Saint Giles? You know that’s only a few hours’ ride from the Eastmarch border. There’s apt to be heavy fighting there in a few months.”
    Jehana had calmly continued her packing, choosing garments from her wardrobe and handing them to a lady-in-waiting who was putting them in a leather-bound trunk. She was still in mourning for her dead husband, for it had been only four months since Brion’s death; but her shining head was uncovered, the long auburn hair cascading smoothly down her back in a streak of red-gold, held only by a simple gold clasp at the nape of the neck. She turned to glance at Kelson, and Nigel frowning behind him, then returned to her work, her outward manner calm and dispassionate.
    “Why Saint Giles?” she answered. “I suppose because I stayed there for a few months many years ago, Kelson—before you were born. It’s—something I have to do, if I’m to be able to live with myself.”
    “There are a dozen other places that would be safer, if you feel you absolutely have to go,” Nigel replied, restless fingers pleating and un-pleating a fold of his dark blue cloak. “We’re going to have enough to worry about, without wondering if some raiding party has come and carried you off—or worse.”
    Jehana smiled and shook her head gently, looking the royal duke in the eyes. “Dear Nigel, Brother, how can I make you understand? I have to go. And I have to go to Shannis Meer. If I were to stay here, knowing what’s coming, knowing that Kelson will use his powers when and where he must, I would be tempted to use my own to try to stop him.
    “I know in my mind that I dare not do that—not if he’s to survive. And yet my heart, my soul, everything I’ve ever been taught—all tell me that he must not be permitted to use those powers under any circumstances, that they’re corrupt, evil.” She turned to Kelson. “If I stayed, I might destroy you.”
    “I don’t believe that!” Kelson said flatly. “Could you—a full Deryni, despite your efforts to renounce that fact—truly destroy your own son because he is forced by circumstances to use the powers you gave him?”
    Jehana reacted as though she had been struck, turning her back to Kelson and leaning heavily against a chair, head bowed as she strove to control her trembling.
    “You really don’t see it, do you?” she began, her voice small, childlike. “I may be Deryni, but I don’t feel Deryni. I feel human. I think human. And as a human, I’ve been taught all my life that to be Deryni is to be evil, wrong.” She turned back to Kelson, tears welling in her frightened eyes.
    “And if the person I love most is Deryni, and uses Deryni powers—don’t you see how it’s tearing me apart? Kelson, I desperately fear that it’s going to be human against Deryni again, as it was two centuries ago. I don’t think I can bear to be in the middle of it.”
    “You’re already in the middle of it,” Nigel retorted, “whether you like it or not. And if it does come to human against Deryni, you don’t even have a side!”
    “I know,” Jehana whispered.
    “Then why Saint Giles?” Nigel continued angrily. “That’s Archbishop Loris’s bailiwick. Do you think he can help you resolve your conflict—an archbishop who is known for his anti-Deryni persecutions in the north? He’s going to act soon, Jehana. He can’t ignore what happened at the coronation much longer. And when he does make his move, I doubt that even Kelson’s position will protect him for long.”
    “You cannot change my resolve,” Jehana said steadily. “I leave for Shannis Meer today. I intend to go to the sisters of Saint Giles to fast and pray for guidance. But it has to be that way, Nigel. Right now, I am nothing. I can’t be human and I can’t be Deryni. And until I can discover which I am, I’m of no use to