Devil Said Bang by Richard Kadrey Read Free Book Online Page B

blind isn’t ducking bill
collectors. This is a lot heavier magic than that.
    “I’ve been looking for you, lord.”
    Fuck me harder, God. Seriously.
    “I’m kind of busy now, Brimborion.”
    “I can see. Another busy day of wandering the
halls. I hear there are some brick partitions on the third floor where if you
stare just right you can see animals and fluffy clouds. Maybe you’d like to
wander down there?”
    “What do you want? Wait. How did you find me?”
    “I stopped by your summer home in the library and
had a peep at your peepers.”
    I make it to him in half a second, get my fingers
around his throat, hoist him off his feet, and hold him against the wall.
    “You went into the library without my
permission?”
    “It was unlocked,” he croaks.
    He starts turning blue. And he isn’t lying. I can’t
remember setting a sealing spell on the place when I left. Besides, he probably
could have walked in anyway with the opening talisman of his. I drop him to the
floor and head back down the hall.
    “What’s so important you had to dog me down
here?”
    He gasps for air and waves a crumpled piece of
vellum at me. He wants me to come down there and take it but that isn’t going to
happen. I wait until he can breathe again.
    “It’s the banquet tonight, my lord.”
    “What banquet?”
    “To celebrate the laying of the City Hall
cornerstone.”
    “Tell them I can’t make it. I have the flu or the
clap. Whatever it is you cloven-hoof types get.”
    “But, my lord. You have to bless the banquet.”
    More rituals.
    “Get Merihim to do it.”
    “It’s not his place, my lord.”
    “Okay. Then cancel it.”
    He scrambles to his feet. The vellum isn’t crumpled
anymore. He’s holding on to it like a life preserver.
    “You can’t.”
    “Then don’t cancel it. I’m putting you in charge.
If Merihim can’t do it, find someone who can. I’m busy.”
    I walk back in the direction of the fake wall.
    I hear him come after me.
    “You’ve been obstinate in the past, my lord. But
refusing the banquet is beyond acceptable. And I heard that you dismissed the
planning committee today.”
    He’s right about one thing. I was having so much
fun I forgot about politics. Lies and promises. It was goddamn stupid to let
that slip.
    I turn and he comes up short.
    “And you know who Marchosias and a few others think
put me up to it?”
    “Who?”
    “You.”
    He takes a step forward.
    “Me?”
    “Everyone knows you’re paying off half the staff to
spy for you. Let you know who’s gaining power and losing power. I’m your power.
You control my schedule and who gets to talk to me and see me. You must make a
fortune selling my time. Of course, you can’t go too far. If I’m too hard to get
hold of people start thinking you’re making a power play. A dangerous move for
someone in your position.”
    I look at him. He wants to say, I’m not to blame.
You’re the one who doesn’t want to do anything or see anyone.
    I say, “Don’t take it so hard. Marchosias has been
yammering about you ever since I got here. She keeps bringing up people on her
staff she says could replace you. Some of them have pretty good credentials. You
didn’t know any of that? Maybe you ought to run another background check on your
staff.”
    He squints at me the same way the committee did
when I came in late.
    “With all due respect, my lord, I’m not sure I
believe you.”
    “One, quit with the ‘my lord’ stuff. And two, I
don’t care.”
    He turns like he’s going to walk away but he just
stands there.
    “You still here?”
    “I was wondering what you’re doing down at this end
of the palace. Is it for something you’ve lost or something you’ve found?”
    I go over to him, tear open his shirt, and rip the
talisman off his neck. The chain leaves a nice red mark on his throat.
    I get in close and whisper, “I cut off my own face
once because it seemed like a good idea at the time. What do you think I’ll cut
off