Diary of a Teenage Taxidermist by K. A. Merikan Read Free Book Online Page A

throat closed up. If sexual situations meant masturbating to gay porn then he had plenty of experience, but that was about it.
    Ethan bit his lip. “You have to talk to me. I’m not best at these things, but I’m sure we can work something out. I just… oh God, I want it so much,” he uttered in the end with a deep breath.
    Robert shook his head and folded his arms across his chest, his muscles bundling up. This was the most selfish sentence he had ever heard in his life. “What do you want me to say?”
    “I don’t know. You’re this amazing guy. I’d never get a chance to talk to you, and now you’re sort of here and… maybe this could be an experiment for you, huh? No one would know. I’m not completely hideous or something.” Ethan crossed his arms, mirroring Robert’s movement.
    Robert’s lungs emptied as he stared at Ethan from across the table. That much was true, Ethan wasn’t hideous. He was hot. Strange but hot. Like a male, grownup version of Wednesday Addams. But what did this mean for him ? “Are you saying that I could experiment with you, but you wouldn’t tell on me if I chose not to do this?” His throat ached so hard from the tension he had trouble keeping his voice even. It would be so embarrassing if he started talking to Ethan in a falsetto. But the tables turned a moment after, stunning Rob into silence.
    Ethan straightened and nodded with so much vigor his hair obscured his face for a moment. “Yes, yes, total secret, no strings attached, all and any bi-curious needs satisfied,” he said eagerly, with his eye on Robert. He was advertising himself as if he were a prepaid telephone card. “You don’t have to even act like you know me much at school or anything. I’d be your clean secret.”
    Robert swallowed, pinching his left hand as hard as he could. “That’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking if you’d let me off the hook if I said I’m not doing this.”
    Ethan instantly slumped in his chair with his lips quivering in a way that didn’t suggest anything good, but he nodded nevertheless. “Yeah, I suppose so. I’d just… yeah, whatever.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead above the missing eye. “I’d just never wanna talk to you again, but I guess that wouldn’t be much of a loss for you.”
    “I thought you were happy to talk to me,” pushed Robert. He reached for the sandwich again. Was there a hidden camera somewhere? This conversation was turning more bizarre by the second.
    “Not if you totally reject me. I’m not made out of stone, you know,” Ethan grumbled with a frown. “I don’t expect you to feel responsible for my feelings but respect them. I’d rather not have them, but they exist, and that’s that.”
    “Totally reject you?” asked Rob, leaning forward and biting into the sandwich. He couldn’t believe something so weird could be the product of a healthy brain. Then again, Ethan was sort of excused.
    “I opened up about how much I like you. If you say you don’t want to have anything to do with me, even though I proposed complete discretion and no strings attached, then that’s kinda humiliating, don’t you think?” Ethan slouched, playing with the tips of his hair, but he was slowly going from deep breaths to hyperventilating. Robert blinked and raised his hands.
    “Whoa, calm down here, okay? We’re just talking,” he uttered, watching the tension around Ethan’s remaining eye. The guy was so confused it was painful to watch.
    “I thought I could just demand it, but then you helped me at school anyway, and protected me from Pat, and did it all in public so other people took notice as well, and I can’t just rationalize it anymore. I can’t tell myself you deserve what’s coming. Fuck.” He started rubbing his eye, all red in the face.
    Robert shook his head and took a deep breath, trying to be calm. “Of course I did. It’s my fault you got hurt. Do you really think I’m some bully that’s out to get people?”
    “I