Dog Training The American Male by L. A. Knight Read Free Book Online Page A

the
C.I.A.?”
    “Close. Ventriloquist.”
    Nancy laughed. “I’m sorry. I’ve
never actually met a ventriloquist before. Show me some ventriloquism.”
    “I can’t. Not without my dummy.”
    “I’ll be your dummy.” She scooted
next to him, resting her legs over his thighs. “There. Now slide your hand
behind my neck and I’ll mouth your words.”
    Jacob slipped his right hand
beneath her blonde hair, his eyes focused on her tight jeans and exposed thong
panties. “Normally I’d have my George Bush dummy on my lap, so pretend you’re
President Bush. So, President Bush, can you tell us any personal details about
your two terms in office?”
    Jacob maneuvered Nancy’s jaw as
he threw his voice, imitating the former president. “Heck yeah, Jacob. One
time, me, Vice, and Rummy got snowed in on a hunting trip and had to sleep
together in the same tent. Naturally, as the Decider, I decided to take the
middle where it was warmest. Anyway, about three in the morning Rummy and Vice
start moaning, waking me up. So I said, ‘hey Cheney, what gives?’ Dick says,
‘Mr. President, I just had a wet dream . . . I dreamt I was
getting a hand job from a beautiful psychologist.’ Rummy says, ‘That’s amazing,
Mr. President, I just had the same wet dream.’ Then I said, ‘Heck, fellas, you
two sure are lucky. All I dreamed about was skiing.’ See, he was gripping the
poles . . .”
    Nancy laughed, hysterical.
“You’re really good. A beautiful psychologist, huh?”
    “Yes. And no amputees. All four
limbs intact.”
    “My four limbs are intact.”
Reaching between her legs, she rubbed his inner thigh. “So, how did you know I
like skiing?”
    * * * *
*
     
    Vin watched nervously as Jeanne prepared
to take her approach. “Money shot, Jeanne. Try to focus. By the way, how’s the
yeast infection holding up? Hope you’re not chafing.”
    “Thanks to you, she’s
minty-fresh,” Lana answered.
    Jeanne unleashed her shot like a
Greek god hurtling hail at a cluster of frightened mortals, the ball skimming
the slick wood surface before blasting the pins into an orifice of fallen
ivory.
    “Game, strike, and match. Let’s
see if I can bake this turkey in the oven.”
    “Hey, Vin, we’re going to go.”
    The two couples turned to find Jacob
and Nancy wearing their street shoes, ready to leave.
    “Jacob’s going to drive me home,”
Nancy announced.
    “You go, girl.” Lana hugged her
sister.
    Vince exchanged a knuckle-punch
with his younger brother. “Whatever gets you through the night, John Lennon.”
    Jacob nodded, then led his date
outside where his chariot awaited.

 
     
     
     
     

     
     
    ONE MONTH LATER...
     

 
     

     
     
    WOWF
- AM
     
    “I need your
help, listeners. As you know, I have a new man in my life—George. George and I
met on a blind date about a month ago at a bowling alley and we’ve been seeing
each other pretty steadily ever since. Well, George’s sublet is up and he needs
to move out, and I’ve been sharing an apartment with my sister and her
significant other and I need to move, so naturally George and I have been
talking about possibly moving in together into a two bedroom rental. Is it too
soon? Call in and tell me what you think. Our land line is 561-222-WOWF, or you
can text star-WOWF on your mobile phone.”
    Nancy glanced across her radio
booth at Patricia Kieras. Situated behind glass in the control room, her
producer’s face was buried behind a paperback copy of Shades of Gray. “ I
see my producer, Trish is signaling me that we have open lines. Did I mention
that my boyfriend is an adult entertainer? Wait, that sounded bad. What I meant
is that he’s an up-and-coming comedian but his humor is geared more for adults.”
    A yellow light illuminated on the
control board. Without moving her book, Trish took the call, wrote something on
a flash card, then held it up against the glass partition.
    LINE 1. BOYNTON - RACHEL.
    “And we have our first caller;
Rachel