Dogs of Orninica by Daniel Unedo Read Free Book Online Page A

know about it.
    I know all of you have concerns about the obscenely inflated minimum wage, I want to assure you I have a highly sophisticated plan written up to cut it by at least 20%. Maybe more. If I'm elected, it'll be the first thing I do, guaranteed. That's 20% extra income that can go straight into your pockets. My opponent certainly can't promise that kind of action.
    And that's nothing, I also have a plan to cut corporate tax rates by more than half! My team has done a lot of number crunching, and they've put together an impressive proof of concept to make it happen. Basically, we'll start by inflating taxes for the less successful members of society further, in the name of bettering aid to... Oh, I don't know, starving third world orphans or something. Something they won't be able to kick up a stink about. Next, we'll just need to increase your tax rebates by rewarding your corporations for following environmental initiatives or some baloney.
    We'll just instate a minimum emission quotient on your power plants that's higher than the highest levels of emissions they currently release, so that you don't have to actually do anything to get the rebates. And maybe we can reward the automakers among you for using superior aerodynamics when building your awesome sports cars or something, say it preserves fuel and greatly furthers the all-important green initiative. We can come up with all kinds of make believe like that, and the public will eat it right up, just watch.
    How about this little gem? The government can agree to pay the salaries and benefits of any employees you hire, so long as their job description has something to do with safety or environment or accountability or one of those other beautiful meaningless terms the media loves to repeat. You could add a couple of made-up duties to the official job description of virtually everyone on your payroll and the government would foot the bill. Just think of the savings. And whenever you needed to fire someone, you could just blame it on 'government cutbacks'. You see how these brilliant ideas just pour out of me? I'm just full of them.
    It's easily feasible that, if I come up with enough of these bullshit tax incentives, you could be seeing the tax office sending you back a tax refund at the start of every quarter that doubles what you paid in the first place. It all depends on how big my campaign fund gets. The more incentive I have to do good, the more it'll benefit my valued benefactors.
    What about having the taxpayers provide every corporate executive with a brand new private jet? Ruff Sniff can make it happen. I'll have the media release stories calling attention to the fuel-guzzling, slow moving and frankly hazardous older private jet models our poor austere executives are forced to ride around in, made way back in the stupid ages of five years ago.
    Then I'll announce that, to improve safety in the skies and cause a drop in carbon emissions, the government is going to replace all outdated private jets with brand spanking new ones that meet with the new environmental initiatives, free of charge. And we'll even pay you to scrap the old jets, got to keep that recycling initiative going.
    There's an important issue I've been asked to address by the chem-cos. Yes, I will be able to guarantee the government will buy as many barrels of oil dispersant chemicals as you can muster up. Whenever the oil barons among you have an excess of oil and the market price is dipping too low, you can arrange for a little offshore oil spill, and I'll do the rest. It'll drive the price of oil right up, and the chem-cos will get paid handsomely for the millions of barrels of dispersant we'll flood into the sea. I even have a way for the government to reimburse you for the oil you lose at the later, post-spill price. It's a win-win-win.
    Do you feel the magic here, friends? A vote for Ruff Sniff is all it takes to ensure the future is as prosperous as your wildest dreams. I will have