Dogs of Orninica by Daniel Unedo Read Free Book Online

parents didn't have to deal with any of this, they could hop down the street on one leg if they wanted, I bet. Could probably hump each other right up against a building and get away with it. Use all kinds of dangerous words. But they're always on about how fucking easy we have it and how when they were our age, they were working at the drive-through and buying all their own music. Like it's our fault there's no jobs any more, not that anyone nowadays is dumb enough to buy a song.
    If you ask me, their entire shitty generation has fucked up the whole world for everyone. Sure, we might not have any direction or purpose, but at least we didn't sell out for a cubicle and some magic beans. You know what? Fuck dentist camp, I don't care if I ever get a car. I've got enough feds watching me pick my nose all day at home as it is, without them watching me driving around in a car, too. I'm going to do fuck all this summer, and that's just fine with me. Might not even go outside.
    When I was a pup, I used to hang around this sappy mechanic that would scramble the monitoring in cars, but he got caught and they caged him up. They got a list of all his customers and took them in, too. You never really hear of anyone reverse engineering anything any more, it's just not worth the grief. They'll call in the drones if you so much as break the warranty sticker on a device. Makes machines pretty fucking dull really.
    But it doesn't matter anyway, it's all a waste of time, trying to keep shit from the feds. There's too many of them and they don't ever let up. May as well just accept it. I don't really care about them watching me all the time, I'm pretty used to it by now. Sometimes I'll even take out my balls right in front of the set. Fuck it.
    There's this billboard outside that snaps your face when you walk past, and puts you into the ad. So you're up on the billboard riding a flaming jet-ski, drinking Rock Edge-Cola and being all, “Just taste that rocking edge.” It's really goofy. I always thought, if you were gonna get locked up for hacking some device, one of them billboards would be a great choice. You could make it say whatever you want, and put Soupman up on it riding the jet ski or something. You probably wouldn't be able to get near it without getting swarmed by drones, though.
    Rock Edge is pretty nasty stuff, I never touch it. But they do also make Hellergize Liquid Energy, which is damn tasty, so props to them for that. I guzzle that shit down all day, couldn't live without it. Especially the kind with the green stripe on the can. Have a look in the fridge in my room, it's nothing but Hellergize Green Stripe. I basically survive on it.  

CHAPTER SEVEN

    Politician

    Esteemed dogs of industry and finance, my good friends. If you choose to elect Ruff Sniff to office, I guarantee I will work around the clock to ensure that all your concerns are addressed promptly. I will do whatever it takes to ensure that you're granted all the favors money can buy. Any noble dog that donates to my campaign will be a friend for life, I won't rest until I've fulfilled my sworn duties to every one of my benefactors. As long as you meet the minimum 'with-perks' donation amount, I will make every one of your dreams come true, no matter how outrageous a premise.
    Do you need construction permits? I'll make them rain from the sky. Stricter copyright laws on the books? I'll throw every despicable thieving little pup into a dark grimy cell for ever daring to copy your IP, and still fine the fuck out of their parents. GMOs? I can get them into every school lunch, homeless shelter, hospital, force them into every foreign aid package, and ensure no label on any shelf in any supermarket will ever mention genetically modified organisms.
    I've also noticed that a big market that's going untapped is the organic food movement. I think I can confidently promise that I will be able to get GMOs approved to add to all that smelly hippie food, and they'll never even