Double by Jenny Valentine Read Free Book Online Page A

go.
    She kissed me on the cheek, delicate and cool.
    “’Night, Cassiel. ’Night, Edie,” she said, when she was halfway up the stairs. “Sleep well.”
    I tried to look everywhere but at Edie. I cleared off and wiped the table and made a big deal of finding out where everything went and putting it away.
    She watched me the whole time. I could feel her watching. I watched myself through her. I became aware of every little movement, every little sound, like the next thing I did would give me away.
    When I’d finished, I didn’t know what to do. I sat back down.
    “You’re not fooling me,” she said.
    She knows, I thought. This is over already. I made my face as blank as I could. I tried not to show her everything on it. I carried on pretending. “I’m not trying to,” I said.
    “I haven’t forgotten what you’re really like,” she said. “It’d take more than two years to forget that.”
    “So tell me what I’m like,” I said. “Maybe it’s me who’s forgotten.”
    Edie listed on her fingers, bluntly, like an ax falling. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect her sudden anger.
    “Selfish,” she said. “Rude. Arrogant. Unhelpful. Bad-tempered. Aggressive. Secretive. Greedy.” She stopped. “How many’s that?”
    “It’s enough,” I told her. “I can see you really missed me.”
    She said, “I’m just wondering how long it’s going to last.”
    Me too. That’s what I was wondering.
    “As long as I can keep doing it,” I said.
    She smiled. The rigid set of her face and shoulders relaxed a little. “I quite like it,” she said. “If I’m honest.”
    “Quite like what?”
    “New, improved, supernice Cassiel,” she said. “Kind to his mother, helpful in the kitchen.”
    “Oh,” I said.
    “You’re going to offer to take the dog out in a minute.”
    I looked at Sergeant. I clicked my fingers and opened the door. He got up slowly, eased himself to standing.
    “God, you bloody are,” she said.
    I smiled at her, kept my breathing even, kept my voice calm. “I haven’t done it for two years,” I said. “I thought it might be my turn.”
    Outside, the wind had dropped, and it was black, thick with stars. I heaved in lungfuls of the cold, wet air. I breathed like I’d been underwater too long. Sergeant sniffed around in the grass, caught the scent of something, followed it off.
    My first night as Cassiel Roadnight. My first day. I’d almost survived it.
    The dog followed the scent straight back inside. It was the scent of his basket probably. Edie came to the door. Some of the anger had gone out of her. She smiled.
    “Come in, little brother,” she said. “It’s freezing out there.”
    I did what I was told. I thought it was best.
    We turned the lights off in the kitchen and closed all the doors. We tried to be quiet on the stairs.
    “Good night, Edie,” I said, when I got to Cassiel’s door.
    “’Night,” she said.
    I almost had it shut. I was almost alone. I’d almost done it. I had this sensation of holding my breath for the longest time, of being about to exhale.
    “Cass?” she said.
    “What?”
    I couldn’t see her face. It was too dark.
    “I’m glad you’re home,” she said.
    “Thanks.”
    “Even if you are being weird.”

N I N E
    I couldn’t sleep. I’d never been more awake in my life. I sat on Cassiel Roadnight’s bed, on my bed, like I’d sat on the bed in that hostel the night before, waiting for Edie to come. I sat completely still, but my mind would not stop moving.
    This was what I had wanted. A place to call mine again, a room of my own. A family, a mum and a sister who knew me and loved me and were right there, next door, across the hall. A brother, on his way to welcome me home.
    I heard Edie turning the pages of a book, heard the flick of her light going out. I heard the sigh of Helen’s sheets as she turned over in bed.
    Poor Helen, so broken and feeble. Had I done this to her? Had Cassiel? And Edie, who looked as delicate as her