Dr. Slick: A Killer Comedy by Dani Amore Read Free Book Online

again. Finally, the door opens.
    It’s Dylan. But he looks nothing like the sharp dresser he was at the agency. He hasn’t shaved or bathed, he’s dressed in a dirty T-shirt and gym shorts and he’s got a can of Schlitz beer in his hand.
    “Hey,” he says.
    He turns around, not waiting for a reply and goes back inside the apartment.
    Tom looks around, and then follows him inside.
    The place is as much of a mess as Dylan. Beer cans, fast food wrappers, dirty clothes are all over. The television is on but Dylan is slumped in a chair, just staring at nothing.
    “Wow, this is...really....smelly.”
    “Yep,” Dylan says. “Home sweet home. Want a beer?”
    “No, thanks. Tough as it is to pass up Schlitz.”
    “The pride of Milwaukee.”
    Tom watches his friend.  “So what’s going on with you, Dylan?”
    “Is that supposed to be some kind of joke,” his friend says, turning to look at him with dead eyes.
    “No.”
    “Nothing is going on with me.  What’s going on with you?”
    Tom shrugs.  “Same old stuff. Morgan fucking me over, being a total asshole.”
    Tom looks around the apartment with barely concealed revulsion.
    “So what are you up to?”
    “What’s it fuckin’ look like?”
    “Are you at least looking for a job?”
    Dylan laughs.
    “What’s the point of a job search when everyone in town knows you’re the king of gay porn. Download at work. Fill your hard drive. Whack off!”
    “I wish you would’ve told me you were gay.”
    Dylan lunges to his feet.
    “I’m not gay! Goddamnit!”
    Tom nods. “I believe you. You look too dirty and unkempt to be gay.”
    “Goddamn right! I’m a fucking slob! I’m a pig! I totally objectify women all the time - I can’t possibly be gay!”
    He sits back in his chair, cracks open another Schlitz and has at it.
    “So the porn at the office?” Tom asks.
    “Was planted! Someone set me up! Put all that shit on my computer.”
    “Why?”
    “Why? Who knows! Probably some chick I banged and then never called! I mean, let’s face it, I’m an asshole. There’s no shortage of people I’ve treated like shit,” Dylan says, then looks closely at Tom. “Yourself included.”
    Tom thinks about that for a minute.
    “How do you think the stuff was planted on your computer?”
    “You know Doug, our IT guy? Well, we’re drinking buddies. Anyway, I got him to look over my computer after I got fired. He said the shit was all fucked up. He’d never seen anything like it. But he thought it looked like my system software had been reconfigured somehow. It was designed to automatically go to these porno websites and download everything, and then repeat it all over and over again. Once it was launched, there was no way to stop it.”
    “What did Human Resources say?”
    “They told me to get out, never say a word, or they would sue me for all kinds of workplace harassment.”
    “That’s it?”
    “Pretty much. They weren’t buying my explanation. They said my Internet history showed I’d been doing this porn stuff nonstop for a couple years. They expressed amazement that I’d managed to hide it for so long.”
    “Wow.”
    “It’s a joke. Why would I continually surf porn at work? I can’t whack off in the office, and who can spank the monkey for eight hours straight?”
    “Ouch,” Tom says.
    “Someone set me up. And I have no idea who.”
    Tom has a thought but quickly ignores it.
    No way, he thinks.
    No way.

Thirty-Four
     
    The conference room at Straun & Partners is adorned with all kinds of Dr. Slick materials: posters, billboards, t.v. storyboards, print ads and point-of-purchase displays.
    Jack, the account guy, is the only person in the room.
    Tom walks in.
    “Where the hell is everyone?”
    Tom is momentarily at a loss for words.  “I have no idea,” he finally says. “No one knows where Morgan is. His secretary can’t reach him anywhere - home, office, cell phone. It’s like he disappeared.”
    “I don’t believe this,” Jack