Dr. Yes by Colin Bateman Read Free Book Online Page A

responded instantly with, 'I don't
give a flying fuck, you two-faced fuck face.' And then she flung her coffee at
me, and I would have been burned, but Starbucks put their tops on really well, so it just hit me in the face, which was like being punched, especially
with my brittle bones, and even though it wasn't really sore I let out a little
yelp, a learned reaction to the slings and arrows of everyday life, and then Alison
was away, storming out the way only an enraged, hormonal and heavily pregnant
woman can, even though she was only three months gone.
        Pearl
said, 'Ooops.'
        And I
said, 'She works with me.'
        'Don't
worry,' she said. 'I know who she is. You're thinking about having surgery to
make her find you more attractive.' She reached across the table and put a hand
on my arm. 'She'll understand once you explain. But listen to me. I've taken a
good long look at you. And no amount of surgery could make you look any more
attractive.' It sat in the air for what seemed like an eternity, during which
my heart sank to the pits of hell. Wasn't she saying that I was the ugliest man
on the planet? But then she squeezed my arm, and her touch was so soft. 'I
think you're just lovely as you are.' Our eyes met for a perfect moment, and
then she moved her hand away. 'It's probably time I got back to work.' She
.stood and gathered up her books and I wanted to say, stay, just a little bit
longer, but before I could she had opened her purse and taken out a business
card and set it down and said, 'Why don't you give me a wee call sometime? My
mobile's on there too,' and she smiled that smile and walked away.
        I
watched her go.
        Everything
had happened so quickly.
        When
she had slipped from sight, leaving only her scent and the outline of her
bottom on the armchair opposite, I picked up the card she had so recently
caressed and read what it said:
        
         THE YESCHENKOV CLINIC
          Pearl
Knecklass
    ----
        

Chapter 8
        
        Alison
was a jealous, moody cow and I was quite prepared not to speak to her for the
rest of her life. We could communicate through our respective solicitors. I
wouldn't demand visitation rights with the child even if she produced proof it
was mine. Children are overrated. If I wanted to see it, I could stand in her
shrubbery at night and watch through the window the way I usually did.
        Then
I saw her opposite No Alibis, waiting to cross the traffic.
        So,
another showdown.
        She
didn't scare me. But mostly to protect my property, I put my hand on the mallet
beneath the counter. It used to be a meat cleaver, but that was too dangerous.
You could cut someone's head off with a cleaver. With a mallet you would just
flatten anything that stuck out, like a nose. I didn't necessarily want to
flatten
        Alison's
nose, but I was prepared to, and just about had the strength, thanks to the
steroids I'd been taking for the past ten years. You wouldn't necessarily
notice my muscle definition but you could tell by the size of my penis, which
had shrunk further. Alison said that size wasn't everything, and I was in a
fortunate position to agree with her, particularly when applied to bookshops.
        She
opened the door and gave me a bright smile and said, 'So how did it go?'
        'How
did what go?'
        'Your
meeting.'
        'I
believe you were there. I believe you threw coffee at me and called me a
two-faced fuck face.'
        'Ah,
I was only putting on an act. You're so easy. Jeff told me where you were and I
came across to offer moral support and to take a gander at her, working for a
plastic surgeon and all. She's a bit of a beauty, isn't she? Well out of your
league.'
        It
was a double bluff, because I can read people, years of training, and I'd seen
the fear on her face and the terror in her eyes at the thought of losing me,
and you don't hurl a steaming cup of coffee at someone and hit them