Dream Boy by Jim Grimsley Read Free Book Online

ringed with red. Once there was a man who could kiss
Mom on the cheek with a clear heart, who could pick up Nathan in strong arms and
toss him toward the ceiling like a toy. That other Dad remains, somewhere; but
not here inside this pale body huddled over its gilt edged Bible. The spider
veins tracing Dad's cheeks and the yellow skin of Dad's hands are frightening
to Nathan. There is even the smell of rot that underlies his father's sweet
aftershave. Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness,
covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity;
whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors
of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, convent
breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the
judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only
do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
    Nathan
can be safe if he keeps his eyes lowered, if he focuses on the plate of food
that he can never taste. He lets the holy utterances fall over him like the
lightness of a quiet rain, bows his head as if in reverence and listens,
without hearing. In his mind he is far away, in the woods with Roy, stepping
through golden sunlight.
    Soon
the meal will end and Dad will retreat into the living room, where the
television will drone deep into the night. No one will expect Nathan to go
there. He holds his breath and waits, watching Mom's knotted hands as they
whiten on the handle of her fork. She closes her eyes, and for a moment it is
clear that she too feels pain from this last scrap of their togetherness.
    If Dad
feels anything, he gives no evidence in voice or demeanor. He reads as if the
words will take him back to the Dad of yesterday or the heaven of tomorrow. He
eats. He sips whiskey. The daze of evening descends on him. When, one moment,
he glances up at Nathan, he hardly seems to see anything at all.
    He
reads: Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of
their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves; who changed
the truth of God into a he, and worshipped and served the creature more than
the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
    The
meal will end. Meals always do. Nathan will climb silently to his room again,
to the peace and safety that has so far remained intact in this new house.
     
     
     
     
    Chapter
Five
     
    In the morning
Nathan wakens with apprehension, dressing with self-conscious care and eating
breakfast slowly, almost as if he hopes Roy will leave without him. He is
afraid the wrong Roy will appear today, afraid he will find the silent, cold
one. But when he walks to the bus, Roy waits calmly. He says good morning
before Nathan reaches the door, speaking with an openness that puts Nathan on
guard. Nathan ascends while maintaining an invisible wall, longing to reach
through it and touch Roy but taking his seat with a circumspect air. He studies
the dewy yard beyond the bus window, the edge of the Kennicutt Woods.
    As Roy
closes the door and wrestles with the gearshift, he partially turns in the
seat. “I almost came to see you last night.”
    “I
wish you had.” Nearly too low to hear.
    “Me
and my folks had to go to a business meeting at church.”
    "You
go to church a lot, don't you?''
    “My
parents got a lot of religion.” He has steered the bus onto the road,
entering the stretch of forest. Once the houses have vanished, he stops the bus
and stands. “Come here.”
    To hold
him and be held by him is enough for Nathan. Roy says, “You better eat
lunch with me today if you know what's good for you.”
    “I
will.” Into the cup of shoulder and neck. Lingering. Roy pulls him close,
sighs.
    “We
have to go, I guess.”
    After
that, the day is a fog, except for lunch when Nathan can find Roy and set
himself into his orbit. As before, Nathan finds a table alone and, when Roy
joins him, they talk before Randy and