Eat My Heart Out by Zoe Pilger Read Free Book Online Page B

more. He was holding up his iPad for me to see. I squinted at it. He beckoned me closer.
    On the screen, a mauve heart was efflorescing with digital emotion: it was spurting something. His tongue darted out again; it was the same colour as the heart.
    â€˜Your fucking friends have left without paying again,’ said Madeline, bulldozing into reception. ‘It’s coming out of your pay cheque.’ She looked at the receipt. ‘£790.’
    I tried to call Freddie, but he didn’t answer.
    Reluctantly, I called Jasper.
    â€˜Come and play,’ he giggled. ‘We’re playing.’
    â€˜Where?’
    â€˜Upstairs. Up.’
    I went back through the restaurant towards the slanting stairs that spiralled up the interior of the building.
    The toad man shot out a toad hand as I passed. He held my wrist. He was wearing red and gold cufflinks. ‘Please,’ he said in a gentle voice.
    I stopped.
    His pond eyes looked up into mine.
    â€˜The restaurant’s closed now, sir. If you wouldn’t—’
    â€˜Sit with me for just one moment.’
    I did.
    We were alone, side by side, on the leather banquette. He plucked the single white orchid out of the vase on the table and gave it to me.
    â€˜Thanks,’ I said. ‘But that’s restaurant property. They get put in the fridge overnight. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.’
    His comb-over fell into his face. His scalp was slick. There were brown speckles on his forehead and veiny networks on his cheeks.
    â€˜My wife died last year,’ he said. ‘Breast cancer.’
    I frowned.
    â€˜Yes, it was a terrible, irreplaceable loss. We’d been married for thirty years.’ He looked down. ‘I’ve been waiting for a woman like you. I’ve been waiting to impart jouissance to a woman like you. Do you know what jouissance is?’
    I shook my head.
    â€˜It is the extreme of pleasure,’ he said. ‘Where pleasure meets non-pleasure and life, existence, the cosmos becomes a black hole. It is the threshold of pleasure and pain, of sanity and insanity.’ He paused. ‘Of Eros and Thanatos.’
    I stood up and gave a sunny, American smile. ‘I do hope you enjoyed the salmon.’
    â€˜Where are you from?’ he asked me.
    â€˜France,’ I lied. ‘Paris.’
    That tongue again. It was actually the colour of beetroot. He extended it to maximum length, as though trying to catch a fly. He waggled it around. Then he put it back in his mouth. ‘Please come to the ASH Hotel bar after your shift.’ He slid a business card towards me. ‘I will be waiting for you from midnight onwards. I will wait all night.’
    Jasper was shooting balls off the end of the billiard table in the private members’ club upstairs. Samuel had been ordered to stand at the end and catch the balls on the premise that the ballboy was an esteemed and essential figure in any game. ‘Play up and play the game,’ Freddie was repeating, stupidly.
    â€˜You’re not supposed to be in here,’ I said. ‘This is members only. Get out.’
    â€˜Why are you always telling people to get out?’ said Jasper, sipping his negroni.
    â€˜And I want my money,’ I said.
    â€˜What money?’ said Freddie.
    â€˜For dinner,’ I said.
    Freddie laughed. ‘I want my money for the booze earlier this afternoon. Think I’d forgotten about that, did you? Nice little outfit you came home with.’
    â€˜I’ll call the police,’ I said.
    Now they all laughed – even Samuel.
    â€˜Tell Ann-Marie where you got that babygro, Samuel.’ Freddie chalked his cue.
    â€˜It’s a onesie,’ said Samuel. ‘I made it! Yeah cos I read this article on Vice that had the coolest headline ever – Please Snort Me! ’ He gestured to his chest. ‘So I like copied it!’
    â€˜What was the article about though?’ said Jasper.
    â€˜I