Ecstasy by Irvine Welsh Read Free Book Online

It’s no what you’re gaunny dae. It’s what that fuckin creep, that fuckin parasite’s gaunny dae. You’re the one wi the money. Ye cannae rely on everybody else, Rebecca, especially some fuckin creepy man. Look around you. He’s got away with it cause you’ve had your heid stuck up your fanny for too long in that never-never land of yours. That’s how he’s been able to exploit ye, tae fleece ye like that!
    Rebecca was jolted by Lorraine’s outburst. But she sensed that there was something behind it. Through her own pain, she was able to empathise with something coming from Lorraine.
    – Lorraine, what’s wrong? What is it? Rebecca couldn’t believe that she was talking like this. Not Lorraine. Not Nursey …
    – What’s wrong is that I see people who come into the hospital who’ve got nothing. Then I go hame, back up the road tae Livi and they’ve goat nothing. And you, well, you’ve goat everything. And what dae ye dae wi it? Ye let some pig fuckin waste it aw away!
    – I know … I know I go on about romance all the time … I know I live in that dreamworld you say. Maybe I’ve been writing that crap for so long I’ve come to believe it … I don’t know. All I know is that he was always there for me, Lorraine, Perky was always there.
    – Always there, watching you get fatter and more ridiculous, jist encouraging ye tae sit aboot and be a fucking fat stupid vegetable. Making a fool ay yersel for other people’s amusement … ye know what we used tae say aboot ye oan the ward? We said: she’s so fuckin stupid. Then ma pal Yvonne goes: she’s no that daft, she’s the one that’s makin aw that money while we’re working these back-breaking shifts for a fuckin pittance. We went, aye, right enough. It made us think differently, we thought: she’s doing it, she’s pretending to be daft, but she’s beating the bastards. Now you tell me he’s been ripping you off for years and you didn’t even know about it.
    Rebecca felt a rage boil up inside her, – You … you … just obviously hate men. I should’ve noticed that… it’s not romance you hate, it’s men, isn’t it? Isn’t it!
    – Ah dinnae hate men, just the kind ah always seem tae run intae!
    – And what kind is that?
    – Well, at school for one thing. Lorraine Gillespian, they used tae call me at Craigshill High back in Livi. They called me a lesbian just because I was a thirteen year old with tits who didnae want tae fuck every guy that leered at me or hassled me. Just because ah wouldnae get intae that fuckin shite wi them. I got eight O. Grades and I was studying for my Highers, then I was off to Uni. My mother’s new husband wouldn’t keep his fuckin hands off me long enough tae let me sit the exams. I had to get away, so I applied tae dae nursing here. Now I’m still getting it, still getting hassled and fucked around by wankers at the hospital. All I want is tae be left alaine. I don’t know what I am, I don’t even know if I am a fuckin dyke or not … I want tae be left alaine tae work it all out.
    Now Lorraine was sobbing, and it was Rebecca who was comforting her. – It’s all right, darling … it’s all right. You’re still so young … it’s all so confusing. You’ll find someone …
    – That’s just it, Lorraine sniffed, – I don’t want to find someone, not yet at any rate. I want to find me first.
    – Me too, Rebecca said softly, – and I need a friend to help me along.
    – Aye, me n aw, Lorraine smiled. – So, what are we gaunny dae?
    – Well, we’re going to get pissed, then go and watch Perky’s video tapes and see what the bastard has been up to, and then I’m going to do what I’ve always done.
    – What’s that? Lorraine asked.
    – I’m going to write.

13 Perks Sees The Script
    It was wonderful; that little Scotch nurse was round almost constantly, and the old girl was writing like a proverbial bastard out of hell. There were times when his sweet little Lorraine was present that