Erotic Refugees by Paddy Kelly Read Free Book Online

shrugged.
    “ All I'm saying is, you
sold your soul to this lady for a rope ladder so now you're gonna
have to bite the bullet. Or whatever else she offers to be
bitten.”
    Andy Quirley was a nice guy but
he had a sadistic streak in him, most evident when he was shoving
you hard up against a wall during a bandy game. Sometimes Rob felt
like tugging at his beard and slapping him repeatedly on his bald
head in a Benny Hill manner, just to see what he'd do. He never did
though, because Andy also had very big fuck-off muscles and looked
like he knew how to use them.
    Eamonn Dee, on the other hand,
would only hurt a fly if the fly had forgotten to get its round in,
or had conned him in a deal involving cattle. He was a wiry
flap-eared lad from the wilds of County Mayo, not long in Sweden,
and not exactly the kind of person you'd be all excited about
bringing to a party.
    Rob was desperate though. He
just couldn't show up at a party by himself, and the list of
possible candidates was growing short. He turned to Brian, his last
hope, with as pathetic a look as he could muster. Brian raised his
hand and cut him off before he had even inhaled.
    “ Sorry mate, I have to
polish my ash-trays. And I have a whole pile of ash-trays, let me
tell you.”
    “ Oh come on Brian, the
café won't even be open on midsummer, will it? What can ye possibly
be up to that's more fun than a party with people ye don't
know?”
    “ I like it when you
include the answer to a question in the actual question,” Brian
said with a wise nod. “Very thoughtful. Saves time for all
involved.”
    Rob shook his head and scanned
the bar, looking for somebody, anybody, he knew well enough to
bring along. But he drew a blank. He pulled out his mobile and
while Eamonn kept Brian and Andy entertained with some stupid story
about a bus he clicked his way through his contact book. The As and
Bs produced nothing but a few annoyed grunts, but when he came to
E, his finger hovered.
    Eoin? Who the hell was … oh
right, the guy from Malone's a few weeks ago, with the fat date!
Well they weren't exactly friends, but that night had turned out
fairly well, after they'd got past the hatred and such. He was a
dry bugger though. But still—dry party, Annika's dry friends, and
dry Eoin. Could be a perfect combo!
    He wrote a friendly text
message, sent it off, and turned his attention back to his bar
companions.
    “ Now there's an idea for
your web business, Rob,” Andy said, eager to steer the conversation
away from buses. “You need somebody to take to a social engagement?
Hey, you just go on this site and find somebody else with nothing
to do!”
    “ They have those
already,” Rob said drily. “And they're called escort agencies. Or
haven't ye heard about them?”
    “ No, I meant for free.
Just lots of bored people, you know, out there looking for
something to do. You could even do an iPhone app, sure you
could!”
    “ Still sounds like an
escort service to me. Or a kinky dating site, and there's already
lots of them. Not that I'd know, or anything. Plus I'd never be
able to make a better one, not this fast anyway.”
    “ So I take it your
brilliant idea is still at the planning stage?” Brian said. “All
those free cappuccinos just wasted?”
    Rob flipped down his sunglasses
and clasped his hands on the table. “I'd tell ye, but then I'd have
to kill ye.”
    Andy laughed. “You're a rubbish
man in black, Rob. Good at avoiding questions though, I'll give you
that.”
    Rob's mobile beeped. He read
the message and gave a surprised but satisfied grunt. So it seemed
Eoin was on, in a half-arsed and unenthusiastic kind of way. Not a
huge victory, really, getting a recently divorced single father to
go to a party, but it took the pressure off him, and that was good
enough.
    “ Seriously though,” he
said as he tucked his mobile away. “I have a short-list of ideas,
and I just have to pick out the best one. Things are takin' off any
day now!”
    Brian shrugged and