Every Tongue Got to Confess by Zora Neale Hurston Read Free Book Online

converts. De boy and his mama went too.
    So when de preacher got out waist deep out come de ace. Next thing a king, next a queen and jack. Then de deuce. (A good poker hand)
    De boy’s mama hollered: “Oh, my husband done lost!” (She meant his soul, thinking he had taken to gambling.)
    Boys says: “Well, mama, if papa lose wid a hand like that he don’t deserve no sympathy.”
    —M ACK C. F ORD.
     
    Once there was a preacher in the pulpit that had a handkerchief in his pocket. A man slipped a lamp eel in his pocket. The preacher reached his hand in his pocket to get his handkerchief, and grabbed the lamp eel by the head. He went to hollering and said, “What is it, what is it, what is it?”
    An old sister in the church said, “I don’t know what in the hell it is, but don’t throw it on me.”
    —J OE W ILEY.
     
    There was a man went to church every Sunday and he would shout and run all over the church. One of the deacons of the church told the man if he would stop shouting and running around all over the church he would get him a pair of boots. The man stood it for about two Sundays. When the preacher was preaching, the man got happy and said: “Boots or no boots!” and started to shouting.
    —D AVID L EVERETT.
     
    Too many people say step out on de word . But all dem words don’t say preach. Sometimes God writes and just as soon as God git to de letter P—they run off and go preach. God wuz gointer say ‘plow’, but they don’t wait tuh see.
    Now, one time uh jackass sent uh man tuh preach. They wuz two brothers and both of ’em wuz preaching and one always had big charges, so de other one went down in de woods and prayed to de Lord to know if he wuz called. About a mile or more through de woods uh man had a jackass and he wuzhungry, so just as de man ast de Lord dat, he whickered: “Waa-anh Wanh! Go preach, go preach!”
    De man jumped up and went and tole folks he wuz called to preach. But look like he never could git no good charges. He wuz always on turpentine stills and sawmill camps. So one day he met his brother and ast him how come, and his brother tole him, says: “You sho de Lord done called you to preach?” He tole him yeah, he heard de voice distinct. Says, “You better go ast Him agin.”
    So he went back to de same praying ground, but de woods wuz cut down. So when he ast de Lord dis time, de jackass whickered agin and de man looked up and seen him, and says: “Yes, youse de son of a gun * sent me off to preach last time.”
    —E UGENE O LIVER .
     
    There was a little boy lived on a hill and it was a thicket between his home and the schoolhouse. One day he was coming from school. He was going up the hill and met a bear. The boy came running back down the hill and he met a preacher. The preacher saw him running and asked, “What’s the matter, son?”
    The boy told him that a bear got after him. The preacher asked him why didn’t he stop and pray, and the boy said, “I didn’t have time.”
    The preacher said, “I am going up there—watch me.”
    The boy watched the preacher. After while the preacher came running down. The boy asked what was the matter. The preacher said, “A bear got after me, son. A prayer is all right in prayer meeting, but it ain’t worth a damn in bear-meeting.”
    —E DWARD M ORRIS.
     
    My daddy was a great preacher. One Sunday he got to preaching and said: “When I get to heaven, I am going to fly around awhile, then I am going to put on my golden slippers and walk around awhile.”
    There was a bunch of boys standing around the church house peeping in the windows. So the preacher said, “I am going to see God for myself. I am going to tell him how you treated me. I am going to be on Hallelujah Street, and then I am going to have some fun.” And he wanted to show the people how he was going to have fun. He started to sit down in the window, but it was up and he fell out on the ground. The boys came running around the church house to see what