Everything and Nothing by Araminta Hall Read Free Book Online Page A

her choose between herself and her children? The stick dropped from her hand and Ruth sat back heavily onto the already damp grass, covering her mouth with her hands to stop her sobs from waking anyone in the house.
    Her crying didn’t last long; self-indulgence never sat easily with Ruth, she became too aware of herself. Instead she made herself stand up and get upstairs to bed. She was drunker than she’d realised and she tripped as she pulled her clothes heavily over her head, worrying already about how she would feel in the morning. Her pillow was cool but her head spun when she closed her eyes.
    Christian rolled towards her and draped a hand across her stomach, something she still hated him doing. ‘Did you win?’ he asked.
    ‘Not personally. Sally did though.’
    ‘So you celebrated.’
    Ruth knew what he meant. ‘Don’t lecture me about drinking.’
    ‘I’m not.’ His hand moved down her body, stroking her thigh. ‘I like it when you’re drunk.’
    Ruth knew how easy it would be to roll into him, to let go and feel good for a moment, but a sickness that existed both physically and mentally had taken hold of her. It seemed like too much of an effort; recently she’d even begun to see it as too much of a relinquishment, although she wasn’t sure what it was that she was losing. She pushed his hand away. ‘I’m knackered.’
    Christian turned heavily from her and Ruth was sure she heard him sigh.
    Christian had an early meeting so he was up and out before anyone had woken up. He found Ruth’s mobile phone on the door mat with a card from a taxi firm. It didn’t take a brain surgeon to work out what had happened and it annoyed him that she should always get away with her drunken nights out when he was made to feel like an alcoholic home-wrecker whenever he came in the worse for wear.
    It was a beautiful spring morning but Christian had a headache and the sunlight glinting off all the expensive cars made him feel woozy. He’d been feeling peculiar since his disastrous interview with Sarah. The whole encounter had left him off balance. The difference in their circumstances had been so marked as to be grotesque. In the three years since they’d last seen each other he had a smart new job, a beautiful son to go with his amazing daughter and put a floundering marriage back on track. Sarah, on the other hand, was applying for a position beneath the one she’d had when he’d known her and looked as if she’d had some sort of breakdown. He’d checked her CV and it said single. He was not enough of a shit to feel good about any of it.
    Then two days ago she’d phoned him. She’d sounded so faint and weak that when she’d asked if they could meet up, nothing serious, but it had been odd to see him in those circumstances and she didn’t want to leave it like that, he had said yes. Christian had desperately wanted to decline as the whole situation seemed too dangerous, but he felt oddly responsible for how she had turned out and so had agreed. He was due to meet her the next day.
    Christian was unused to feeling confused; normally he got on with things or asked Ruth what she thought. He texted Toby, the only school friend he still saw regularly and asked if they could meet for a drink that evening. He was relieved that the reply was yes and didn’t even care that Toby suggested an impossibly trendy Notting Hill pub in which he’d feel completely out of place.
    The day dragged. He had a long and boring phone conference with some stiff Americans, one of his staff called in sick for the third time that month, Carol was in a bad mood and the sushi he had for lunch was over-priced and tasteless. He called Ruth at four to say that Toby had rung because he was having a crisis with his latest girlfriend, so he was going to meet him for a drink, knowing she couldn’t shout because of what she’d done the night before.
    Toby was already at the bar when Christian arrived, looking like he owned the place and knew