Everything and Nothing by Araminta Hall Read Free Book Online Page B

everyone there, which probably wasn’t far off the mark. It was bad luck, Christian felt, that his best friend should make him feel so inadequate with his ridiculously glamorous lifestyle. He couldn’t remember how or even when Toby had got into the music business or why he had made such a success of it. Either way, standing by the curved bend of the polished wooden bar, ordering two pints of Guinness from the barmaid, he felt wrong and out of place in his suit.
    Toby was texting furiously on his iPhone. ‘Fuck, I’m going to have to run in about an hour. We’ve got a band showcasing tonight and it’s all gone tits-up.’
    ‘Right.’ Christian resisted an urge to ask himself along.
    ‘Anyway, what’s up? Why the urgency?’
    Christian didn’t know who Toby was sleeping with at the moment, but he’d lay money on her being as fit as a butcher’s dog, as Toby would say. Life sometimes came too fast, you couldn’t be sure if you were right or wrong, stupid or wily, pathetic or sophisticated.
    ‘D’you remember Sarah?’
    ‘Of course. Please don’t tell me you’re seeing her again.’
    Christian waved from behind his pint. ‘No. No. But this really weird thing happened . . . ’
    ‘I need a fag for this,’ said Toby, standing up. They shuffled onto the pavement, no longer pretending at what they were doing to their bodies. Christian helped himself to one. ‘Thought you’d given up.’
    ‘Only when Ruth’s around.’
    ‘So?’ His friend leant against the grimy wall of the pub and Christian momentarily wondered what he was doing there.
    ‘She came for an interview at my work.’
    ‘Shit. What, you were interviewing her?’
    ‘Yeah, and I hadn’t bothered to check the CVs, so I was totally unprepared when she walked in and Carol was in the room and it was fucking awful. She looked terrible.’ Christian flashed an image of Sarah in his mind. Sometimes he felt as though he was watching his life on TV and that nothing really mattered. ‘No, she looked amazing. But, sort of, I don’t know, wasted.’
    ‘What, drugs?’
    ‘No, more like life hadn’t been good to her.’
    ‘And I suppose you’re thinking that’s your fault? That she’s been spending these last three years pining after you?’
    ‘No, but you know, what with the baby and everything . . . ’
    Toby’s phone bleeped again. ‘Sorry, I have to get this.’ He answered and walked to the kerb, balancing on the rubbish-strewn lip of the pavement as a child might. Christian checked his phone for something to do and saw that Ruth had texted, asking him to get milk on his way home.
    ‘Sorry about that. Let’s go back in,’ Toby said as he returned.
    They sat at the round table they had been at before, their own puddles of spilt beer still reflecting the lights from the bar. Christian hoped they would have been cleaned up.
    ‘She called me a few days ago and I’m meeting her for lunch tomorrow.’
    ‘Are you mad?’ Christian was surprised to see anger on his friend’s face, in the turn of his mouth before he could hide it. ‘You know Ruth will leave if you do it to her again. Fuck knows how you got her to stay last time, but she’s not going to take it a second time.’
    ‘I’m not planning anything. But I couldn’t say no. I feel guilty.’
    Toby rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Christian wanted another cigarette. ‘Look, it’s not like she didn’t know what she was doing. It was shit, but shit happens. People have miscarriages every day. I can’t believe that three years on she’s still upset about it. My guess is that she’s seen a chance and decided to take it. And you, my friend, should politely decline.’
    ‘I don’t know. I don’t think she’s like that.’
    ‘You don’t want to think she’s like that.’
    Christian didn’t know what he thought. It was possible Toby was right. ‘Do you sometimes wonder if you are who you really are?’
    ‘No. Yes.’
    Christian felt angry, not necessarily with