Excalibur by Colin Thompson Read Free Book Online

partridge burger and chippies while we make plans to rescue your beloved child.’
    â€˜Thank you, your highness, your kindness will not go unrewarded.’
    Ooh, I like the sound of that , thought Merlin and Sir Bedivere unanimously. They knew that the visiting King was just about one of the richest Kings in the entire world.
    â€˜I think I need to make you aware of the Royal Decree that says any rewards for highwaymen-capturing or hostage-rescuing automatically become the property of the King and will be used to set up an orphanage for destitute baby unicorns,’ said Morgan le Fey, who could read minds, particularly men’s minds, which she said were as hard to read as a two-year-old’s bunny rabbit book. ‘That is the tradition.’
    â€˜Tradition?’ said Merlin. ‘Since when?’
    â€˜Since about thirty seconds ago,’ said Morgan le Fey. ‘All traditions have to start somewhere.’
    Merlin and Sir Bedivere both looked extremely annoyed, even when Morgan le Fey said there was a good chance that whoever did rescue the Princess would probably be given her hand in marriage, which was another, much older tradition.
    I’m too old for a young wife , thought Merlin. Allthat dancing and jousting and carousing, and then she’d probably run off with a younger man and end up with half my fortune.
    I do not want the expense of a young wife , thought Sir Bedivere. All that dancing and jousting and carousing, and then she’d probably run off with a handsome man and end up with half my fortune .
    â€˜Well, my lady, we will leave it for you to sort out a plan,’ said Merlin, sliding off towards his private quarters.
    â€˜Indeed, though of course, if you need a hand, just give us a call,’ said Sir Bedivere, climbing on his horse and galloping away very fast in all directions.
    Morgan le Fey sent for Sir Lancelot who, as it has already been stated, adored her in the same way the King adored Lady Petaluna, which was incredibly. He was not as shy as the King. Over the years his noble deeds of legendary bravery in far off, quite near and really a long way away lands had brought him many, many girlfriends of every shape, size, colour and species. He had swept them all off their feet with his dashing good looks, amazing charm, razor-sharp wit and a large broom. He had never been lost for wordswhatever the language or situation and always knew exactly the right thing to say to win a lady’s heart. But now, all that talent had deserted him. In the presence of Morgan le Fey he was as useless as his King. He blushed. He stammered and he knocked his knees together.
    â€˜I cannot understand it,’ he said to his squire, Grimethorpe, later. ‘I have no trouble with women. They fall at my feet like socks.’
    â€˜Socks?’
    â€˜Not new socks, but old ones that have been washed in water that was too hot so they won’t stay up any more and keep falling down inside your boots,’ Sir Lancelot explained.
    â€˜Ah, those socks, my lord,’ said Grimethorpe, ‘the ones you kindly give to me.’
    â€˜Indeed so.’
    â€˜They do indeed, sire, I can vouch for that,’ said Grimethorpe. ‘When we were abroad in those hot, romantic countries, I was forever tripping over them.’
    â€˜What, my socks?’
    â€˜No, my lord, all your girlfriends.’
    â€˜Absolutely,’ said Lancelot. ‘So how come I amso tongue-tied and useless in the presence of my lady Morgan le Fey?’
    â€˜I can only think of one reason, my lord.’
    â€˜Pray tell. Do you think I have some dreaded ague, some mysterious oriental disease that maketh even the greatest of men as feeble as a puppy?’
    â€˜No, my lord.’
    â€˜Think you that I may have caught ladybug pox 17 or piglet flu?’ 18
    â€˜No, my lord.’
    â€˜Not the dreaded Whooping Sneeze.’ 19
    â€˜No, my lord.’
    â€˜Then I am confused, good