Fallout by Ellen Hopkins Read Free Book Online Page B

swig.)
    Return for alcohol-absorbing pasta.
(Finish one drink; start second.)
    Third trip is to the carving board.
(Polish off drink two. Back to bar.)
    Finally, dessert. Chocolate cheesecake.
(Work on third—really fourth—JD.)
    I think I’m doing pretty well.
(No way to converse when imbibing.)
    And then Brendan starts talking.
(About how Sparks has grown. Swallow.)
    Reminiscing about Wild Waters.
(His lifeguard days. Single-gulp glass drain.)

THE WASP BUZZ INTENSIFIES
    Only Nikki seems to notice.
    She shoots me a warning
    glance. But it’s too late.
    I stop Brendan midsentence.
    “So … do y-you ’member
    a girl name Kr-Kristina?” Damn
    booze. Damn mud daubing.
    I want to be coherent.
Brendan’s forehead wrinkles.
He thinks a minute, finally replies,
Kristina? Sounds familiar.
Why? Should I know her?
    Nikki’s hand lights gently
    on my arm. I swat it away,
    one of those bees. “You might
    have known her as Bree.”
Bam! Recognition floods
his eyes. Bree. Yes. I knew her.
Clearly, he doesn’t want to say
more. That was a long time ago.
Nikki is close to panic.
Uh, hon, would you get me
another glass of wine? Please?
She looks at me helplessly.
    Buzz. Buzz. “Just a minute,
    okay?” Buzzzzz. The entire
    table is staring now. Good.
    This deserves an audience.
    “I don’t suppose you remember
    a certain night, up on Mount Rose.
    Just you and her and a little
    crank …” Loud. Too loud.
But he definitely remembers.
Now, look. That was a long ,
long time ago and—wait.
What do you know about it?
    “Dude, the whole world—well,
    a lot of it, anyway—knows
    what you did to her that night.
    I know because …” The rest
    sticks like tar in my throat.
    My face is hot and my eyes
    sting and oh my God, I will
    not cry. Nikki is on her feet.
    Montana is too. Brendan just
    stares stupidly, waiting for me
    to finish. So here goes, “I know
    because I’m her son and …”

CAN’T CONFESS EVERYTHING
    I just can’t. But I can still
accuse. “She said you raped
    her, you son of a bitch.”
    My hands clench, but I’m not
going to hit him. Not now.
    Not here. Instead I start across
    the wide expanse of floor.
I expect Nikki to come, but it
    is not her butterfly hand that lights
on my shoulder just as I exit
the big ballroom doors. Hold
on. I think we should talk.
    I whip around, dislodging
myself from his grip. Buzz.
    “What the fuck do you want?”
People stare. But Brendan
doesn’t care. Come on.
Let’s sit over there, okay?
    He knows better than to
touch me again. For some
    insane reason, I follow him.
    The casino carpet is purple
with wavy green lines, and
    it’s making me seasick.
    I will myself not to puke,
and we sit in some eggplant-
    colored chairs at the far end
of the foyer. I can’t look at him
as he launches his story. Yes ,
I knew Bree … Kristina. We went
out a few times, and we did
a lot of crank together. All true.
That night—the one you mentioned—
we were messed up. Wasted, in
fact. Now, I don’t know …
Have you ever done meth?
    I have no choice but to
look him straight in the eye.
    I shake my head. “Never.”
Well, here’s the deal with meth.
You’re not always in control ,
and that night everything got out
of hand. I’m not proud of what
happened, but the truth is ,
she kind of asked for it….
    Bzzzzzzz. My face flames.
“Is that what you wanted
    to tell me? Because it’s not
    good enough. You forced
yourself on her when she
    said no and that’s rape.”
His turn to shake his head.
Like I said, I don’t take pride
in it, or in much of my life
at that time. I did drugs.
Did girls. Stole. Cheated.
Lied. The reason I joined
the army? A judge gave me
the choice—military or a long
time in jail. I’m glad now.
I got clean. Disciplined. Did
my time and went back, hoping
to maybe make up for before.

I WANT TO KEEP HATING HIM
    But he sounds
reasonable
honest
apologetic.
    I want to keep blaming him.
    But somehow I
believe him
relate to him
almost forgive him.
    I want to keep