Farewell, Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker Ellen Meister - Farewell Read Free Book Online Page A

and the Webers were under strict orders from the judge not to discuss the custody battle with Delaney. It was tragic, because the girl needed to hear that her aunt was fighting for her. But if Violet brought it up she could jeopardize her case, and that would hurt even more.
    Delaney breathed on the window and drew a frowny face with her finger.
    “Woollcott’ll be excited to see you,” Violet said. The dog was hersecret weapon. Delaney loved that little creature with all her heart, and the idea of seeing him was often enough to lift her from her funk.
    “I brought him a new fish,” she said. “Neon green.”
    Woollcott’s favorite toy was a squeaky plastic clown fish, and Delaney adored going to the pet store to find more treasures for him.
    “He’ll love it,” Violet said.
    “Hey, what happened with Vincent van Loser?” Delaney said, using the nickname she had coined for Carl the first time she saw his artwork. “Did you give him the ax?”
    “Not exactly,” Violet said, and knew she needed to rectify that as soon as possible. Somehow she would have to find the strength to make it crystal clear. He could not move in. Not tomorrow. Not ever.
    When they got to the house, Violet asked her niece to drag the trash cans into the backyard. It was a ruse so Violet could slip inside and close Dorothy Parker back into the guest book before Delaney came in.
    As soon as Violet opened the front door she knew something wasn’t right. From the foyer she could see straight into the study on the right, which looked empty. But there was noise coming from the living room across the hall. It sounded like humming.
    Violet walked toward the sound and there was Dorothy Parker, laid out on the sofa, Cliché curled up in a ball by her feet. On the floor in front of her was a broken glass, an empty bottle of Beefeater gin, and the Algonquin guest book. A bottle of scotch was propped up next to her on the cushion.
    “What the hell?” Violet said.
    Dorothy Parker turned toward her, only one eye barely open. “Ms. Epps,” she said, spreading her arms wide. “You have a very well-stocked bar, but you are going to need to purchase more gin.”
    Violet was horrified and perplexed. How did Dorothy Parker leave the study and get into this room? “I don’t understand,” she said.
    Mrs. Parker struggled to sit up. “There’s nothing wrong withscotch,” she said. “But if one is drinking gin, one should
stay
with gin. It’s just so ghastly to run out. One should
never
run out of gin.” As she righted herself, the bottle of scotch next to her tipped over and began spilling onto the cushion. Violet quickly grabbed it and placed it on the bar.
    Mrs. Parker didn’t see the maneuver, and felt around the sofa for the bottle. “Hey, where did the scotch go?”
    “How did you get out of the study?” Violet asked.
    “I go where the book goes,” Mrs. Parker said.
    “But I thought you couldn’t move it.”
    “I can’t,” she said, and reached toward the book to illustrate how her hand went right through it. “But I have a trick. Watch this.” Dorothy Parker clapped her hands at Woollcott. “Come here, come here, little doggie.” She picked him up, and Violet stepped forward in case she needed to snatch the dog to protect him from her drunk guest’s hands. But Mrs. Parker simply nudged Woollcott against the book so that it inched forward.
    “See?” she said. “My little friend here helps me out.” She put him down and patted his head. “Good boy.”
    Violet heard the front door open and her niece call out. “Woollcott? Aunt V?”
    Alarmed, Violet grabbed the guest book. “Sorry, Mrs. Parker,” she said, and slammed the cover shut, closing her visitor inside.
    Delaney appeared at the door of the room just as Dorothy Parker and her little dog disappeared. She stooped to pick up Woollcott, who had trotted over to her, wagging his tail madly. “Woolly Woolly Woollcott,” she said, petting and kissing him. She surveyed the