desired outcome, rather than the heavy metal concert going off in my chest cavity. My toes met the edge and it was time.
“Take a deep breath, Kelli,” Ben instructed. “And then allow yourself to simply fall forward.”
I didn’t know whether to cry or vomit, or both. I imagined my half-digested yolkless eggs going on a bungy jump of their own, only without the cord, landing in the water below with a big splosh. That made me want to vomit even more. I looked back at Ryan one last time, and his enthusiastic expression combined with his ridiculous hairstyle only reinforced the fact that I didn’t belong here. Didn’t belong in the McSnelly family. I needed to get back to my young, carefree, childless life. With Grant. I couldn’t wait for him to wrap his arms around me again and get down on one knee to…
“Arghh!”
I lost my balance before I was ready, my arms circling frantically around in an attempt to stay on the ledge. But to no avail. My scream followed me down before, all of a sudden, the air inside my lungs whooshed out like someone had stuck a vacuum cleaner nozzle in my mouth.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t scream anymore. I was surely about to die. Something yanked at my ankles and my body flung upwards. Oh thank God, it must be over…
“Arghh!”
Here we go again. Whatever breath was left was sucked out again, along with what felt like all my insides. Yank. My ankles jerked again and my body went upwards. And back down again. I could feel my eardrums vibrating! Up … and back down again. Oh my God, it’s never going to end! Up, down, up, down. Bounce, bounce, bounce. The eggs in my stomach were surely scrambled by now.
The dark water below swam into focus as the bouncing subsided and I hung there, desperate for something to hold onto. Now what? Were they just going to let me hang? Help ! And then the best thing I’d seen all day caught my eye. A boat, yippee! I thought I’d died and was in heaven, but the putrid stench of body odour assured me it wasn’t.
“There you go, sweetie. Wasn’t so bad, was it?” Smelly man said as he pulled me into the boat.
I couldn’t speak. I just lay there, limbs shaking. Wait. He called me sweetie . That’s a name reserved for young women, isn’t it? I must have changed back to … I jerked upright and looked down at my body.
“Arghh!”
My scream lasted longer than my bungy jump. Nothing had changed. I was still fifty-year-old Kelli Jelly Belly McSnelly. Or McSmelly, thanks to my deodorant-phobic rescuer, whose primal scent had rubbed off on my clothes.
All that for nothing? Talk about ripped off! When I got out of the boat and stepped onto the delicious stability of land, Ben and Ryan waved at me. Ryan gave me a thumbs up and climbed down the steps.
“You did it, Mum, you did it! That was freaking awesome!” Ryan ran over to me and threw his arms around my quivering body. I suddenly forgot my disappointment at remaining fifty and realised what I’d just done.
“I bungy jumped, can you believe it? I went bungy jumping! I jumped off the ledge and fell for miles … and hung upside down and bounced and bounced and bounced … and all the air went out of me … and I felt like I almost died but at the same time I felt so alive and … oh my God I can’t believe I did it!”
“Whoa, slow down! There’s a lot of adrenalin coursing through your body right now, take a breath.” Ryan laughed. “But yes, you did it!”
My teeth chattered inside my dry mouth and I kept looking up at the huge structure and over to the water, back and forth, taking in the length I’d travelled. “I bungy jumped, I just bungy jumped,” was all I could say, while my body vibrated like a jitterbug. No wonder Ryan had seemed like he’d had ten cups of coffee. I felt like I’d had fifteen, combined with a can of Red Bull, ten teaspoons of sugar and a truckload of red food colouring.
Not knowing what to do, say, or think, Ryan gave me my coral coloured outfit