F*ck Feelings by MD Michael Bennett Read Free Book Online Page A

person’s recovery, give them tools for auditing themselves, as above, and challenge them to use those tools to decide for themselves whether they need sobriety and help.
    Don’t give priority to their happiness or lack of it. Ask them whether they have priorities that are more important than happiness, like safety, health, and the quality of their relationships. If so, then they must ignore happiness and control behaviors that are doing them harm.
    The spirituality that helps people help one another to manage addiction does not require a belief in God. It requires a belief that there’s more value in doing good, and being the kind of person you can respect, than there is in feeling good.
    Addictive behaviors make it very hard for you to control all impulsive actions aimed at pleasure and quick relief of pain, and they prevent you from getting strong. Good management helps you build your own values and gives you the strength to ignore pain and do what, after much reflection, you’ve decided is right.
Quick Diagnosis
    Here’s what you wish for and can’t have:
    â€¢Â Happiness/relief when you deserve it
    â€¢Â Freedom from fear about life’s dangers and the responsibility to protect yourself
    â€¢Â The ability to rescue others from addictions
    â€¢Â Sometimes, the ability to stop your own addictions, at least without tons of struggle
    Here’s what you can aim for and actually achieve:
    â€¢Â Judge your sobriety and self-control objectively
    â€¢Â Manage behaviors you want to change rather than attack yourself for having them
    â€¢Â Ignore shame, and respect yourself for what you’re trying to achieve
    â€¢Â Value a good effort, regardless of results
    Here’s how you can do it:
    â€¢Â Define your standards for sober behavior
    â€¢Â Decide how much effort, shame, and frustration are worth enduring for the sake of change
    â€¢Â Accept the limits of your responsibility for having addictions so you can take more responsibility for managing them
    â€¢Â Get help from people who are doing the same thing but are further along, be they friends or fellow addicts at AA or NA meetings
Your Script
    Dear [Me/Family Member/Beloved Bartender/Anyone Affected by My Addiction],
    I know you’ve urged me to get [help/lost/out of town] because of the effect my [insert addictive behavior, from booze to online poker] has had on your [car insurance/credit rating/reputation]. I assure you that, in addition to regretting the effect of my behavior, I’m also sorry about the [insert verb related to blatant dishonesty] that has worn out your trust. I cannot promise to stop the behavior that has made me act like such a [insert synonym for “dickhead”], but I will try to stop it and also be honest about it. Please let me know if you think I am [slipping/sounding sleazy/getting back that old self-absorption] and I will use your input to get stronger, one day at a time.
    Did You Know . . . That Your Shrink Talks about You?
    Like so many of those born and raised in Brookline, Massachusetts—the home to 2 percent of the world’s psychiatrists, which is a factoid I’m almost positive my mother didn’t make up—I am the product of two shrink parents. Upon discovering this fact, most people ask me questions I can’t answer or take seriously; I can’t tell you if my childhood was weird, because I didn’t spend time with another set of parents to compare it to, and I won’t tell you if it means I’m crazy, just as I wouldn’t ask the child of two lawyers if that means he’s an argumentative Asshole stereotype.
    Nobody seems to ask me the one question I can answer rather definitively, which is, yes, your shrink talks about you, and not just to her shrink, who is Peter Bogdanovich, because The Sopranos isn’t universally accurate. If the fact that your shrink shares feels like a violation, it isn’t,