F*ck Feelings by MD Michael Bennett Read Free Book Online

says, and what AA pamphlets say, and even what your dealer says, but unless you take time to define addiction for yourself, everyone else’s opinion is bullshit (especially your dealer’s).
    In fact, most people who struggle with addiction don’t necessarily have medical withdrawal symptoms (although, if you do, that’s significant), or get arrested, or become the subject of an intervention. So aside from the major signs of addiction, your definition should include all the ways a behavior or substance prevents you from doing your job, being a decent person, and avoiding unnecessary risks.
    What you want to examine then, even by asking friends and family when necessary, is the impact your possible addiction has on just those factors: quality of work/security of employment; your own definition of being a good friend or partner; and your physical health (safe driving, safe sex, safe liver, etc.).
    Most important, consider whether your possible addiction is getting in the way of being a decent person (with “decent person” defined as someone who does their work, doesn’t drive drunk, isn’t an insufferable idiot, etc.).
    You can even pull a Hasselhoff and ask for a video recording of what you’re like under the influence if you don’t remember or doubt the objectivity of feedback. Weigh in the opinions of others but ignore their feelings, because this isn’t about changing their minds, arguing with them, or pleasing them. It’s about whether your behavior compromises your ability to live up to your standards.
    If you remain in doubt, gather more information by trying to stop using whatever substance or behavior you may be addicted to, observing yourself for a month while abstaining, and seeing what the difference is. Don’t talk yourself into or out of recognizing an addiction because of the way you or anyone else feels about it, just gather facts and measure your behavior against your own standards.
    If you decide you need to change an addictive behavior and can’t do it with willpower alone, finding the right AA meeting can connect you with a huge resource. AA tells you that you become stronger the moment you admit you can’t overcome addiction on your own, an admission that, among its twelve steps to recovery, is the first. It also encourages you to disown responsibility for what you don’t control, so that undeserved guilt won’t prevent you from improving your management of what you do control (see: the Serenity Prayer). AA isn’t a perfect fit for everyone—some find it too rigid or even cultlike—but because it’s free, easily accessible, and pragmatic, it’s always worth trying first. If meetings alone don’t stop your addictive behavior, seek out a more time- and activity-encompassing treatment, like four hours per day of therapy with professionals (called an intensive outpatient program) or all-day therapy (called day or partial hospital treatment) or all-day therapy while living at an institution (residential rehabilitation).
    If you believe that your responsibility for taking care of others prevents you from stopping an addictive behavior, think again. Yes, some people carry huge responsibilities, but what makes it hard for them to help themselves is their help-aholism, or inability to put aboundary on their obligations. They can’t help others and think of their own needs at the same time, which means they give too much, get tired and empty, and lose control. As they get better at managing addiction, however, they also get better at managing other needs, including the need to give, so sobriety pays extra dividends for the person who can’t stop giving.
    If you’re trying to get help for someone who doesn’t yet want it, keep in mind that such help seldom is effective, because it doesn’t work when someone is attending treatment for you rather than for themselves. Instead of taking responsibility for another