Fearless by Francine Pascal Read Free Book Online

little like Ashley Judd before the makeup went on. An East Village version, anyway,
    with a wool stocking cap, hair so messy it was coagulating into dreads, and a tattoo of a spider that perched on her collarbone.
    Gaia fidgeted in her chair. She didn’t want to leave too much silence because Ed might bring up what happened last night and she really didn’t want him to.
    “You know what the problem is with these fancy brown sugar packets?” Gaia held one up. “The granules are too big. They don’t dissolve. They just hang around in the bottom of your mug, so your coffee isn’t as sweet as you want it to be until you get to the last sip, which is so sweet, you want to puke.”
    Ed looked both puzzled and slightly amused. “Huh. Hadn’t thought of that.” He gestured at the counter. “They have regular sugar up there.”
    Gaia nodded. Why had she gone for coffee after school with Ed?
    Because he’d asked her, mainly. Because he’d tried to save her life, even though she’d ended up saving his. She should have remembered, before she’d accepted, that going for coffee with someone usually meant talking to them.
    Ed was looking at her a little too meaningfully. He stretched his arms out in front of him. “Listen, Gaia, I just wanted to tell you that I—”
    “I don’t want to talk about it,” Gaia jumped in quickly.
    “Sorry?”
    “I don’t want to talk about it.”
    “What is
it
?”
    Now he really was going to think she was a wacko. “It. Anything.”
    “You don’t want to talk about anything?” Ed asked carefully.
    Gaia tugged at her hair awkwardly. “I don’t want to talk about last night. I don’t want you to ask me any questions.”
    Ed nodded and digested that for a minute. “Hey, Gaia?”
    “Yeah.”
    “I’ll make you a promise.”
    “That sounds heavy.”
    Ed laughed. “Just listen, okay?”
    “Okay.”
    “I promise that I won’t ever ask you any questions, all right?”
    Gaia laughed, too. “I think that was a question.”
    “Fine, so it was the last one.”
    “Fine.”
    Gaia was starting to sense too much friendliness in the air, so she stood up. “I’m going to, um, get that regular sugar. I’ll be right back.”
    “Good.”
    “Okay.”
    She walked to the counter with her mug. This
    was so cozy and normal seeming, she felt as if she were inhabiting somebody else’s body. Absently she dumped two packets of white sugar into her coffee.
    Oh, yes, she was just a happy girl in the West Village, having coffee with a friend.
    A troop of familiar-looking people streamed in. They were from school, she realized. The self-designated “beautiful people.” There were three girls and two guys, and they were laughing about something. Their manner and wardrobe screamed, “Put me in a Banana Republic ad right now!” One girl in particular was quite beautiful, with long, shiny dark hair, slouchy chinos, and a collared shirt that was whiter and crisper than anything Gaia had ever owned.
    Much as she wanted to dismiss them as they swarmed around her at the counter, ordering various combinations of lattes, au laits, con leches, and mochas in pretentious Italian sizes, Gaia couldn’t help imagining some alternate universe where she was one of them.
    What if she were witty and well dressed and carefree? What if her biggest dilemma in life were whether to order a grande latte or a magnifico mocha? What if that fairly cute one, the boy in the beat-up suede jacket, called her all the time? She studied his dark hair, so pleasantly dilapidated, and
    his hazel eyes. She allowed herself a look at his lips. What if he’d kissed her? Not just once but hundreds of times?
    She felt a weird tingling in her lower extremities as the fantasy evolved in her mind. He’d be standing next to her, studying the coffee board, as familiar to her as a brother, and he’d reach for her without really thinking about it. She’d be wearing a cute little lavender sweater set and crisp khakis instead of these