Fervor by Jordan Silver Read Free Book Online Page A

from anywhere as long as he had Internet connection and Brian had been
conferencing with the office over Face Time or Skype or some such shit. I
appreciated them all so much, but I had to get my shit together so everyone
could get back to their lives.
    "Morning
son, you're out and about early."
    I sighed as I
dropped onto a stool at the kitchen island. I pulled the fuck out of my hair
much as Jonathan had been doing the night before. I wish I was six years old
again so I could let my mother handle all my shit, but then again if I was six
I wouldn't be having this problem. No paparazzi, no dirty old douche trying to
steal my girl, and no Suzette.
    "I went
for a drive." I was so not ready to share my nocturnal excursion with
anyone. I watched absently as my mom prepared breakfast, usually she had help,
but with my fuckery and the need for privacy she didn't want to risk it, not
that we couldn't trust the staff, they'd been with us since before I was born,
but sometimes it paid to be cautious. Mom droned on about some shit in the
background as my mind wandered to where it had been for the past week and a
half. Suzette. Fuck Suzette what am I gonna do with you? As if in answer Gotye
rang out in the morning stillness of the kitchen. Fuck it.

Chapter
16

 
    I awakened this
morning feeling Gage's presence with me, for the first few seconds I smiled
thinking he was here, that it had all been a very bad dream but when I opened
my eyes he wasn't there and the agony was almost unbearable. I think I'm losing
my mind because I can smell him, that clean scent of the outdoors and Burberry
mixed with his own personal scent, I could've sworn he touched me while I
slept, I could still feel his phantom lips against my brow.
    I didn't have
the strength to face another day without him, this was the longest we had ever
gone without each other and I wondered how he could go on without me for so
long when he never could before. That more than anything convinced me that it
was over, Gage hated to spend even one night apart, in fact since the first
night we made love and slept in each others' arms it had been damn near
impossible for either of us to sleep without the other.
    So how could he
bear it now? Where was he who was he with was there someone else comforting
him? The thought was like a knife to the heart, I couldn't bear it. And with
that my mind flashed to the upheaval that I had caused, me all on my own. I
rushed to the bathroom to throw up...nothing, I dry heaved for what felt like
hours but could only have been a minute or two. My stomach was raw and my body
hurt, I hadn't eaten in so long I'd lost track. I hadn't read a newspaper since
that first day when all the headlines screamed at me. And those pictures, just
the thought of my Gage seeing me like that made me sick, and this is where I
shut down, I never allowed myself to go there, I couldn't, I don't think I ever
would. I hated me, hated my stupid guts for what I had done to him to us. I
didn't deserve him, his love and devotion, all the care and adoration he had
showered me with for the past three years, especially behind closed doors, away
from the public eye, in the privacy of our home. He had treated my like the
rarest of gifts and I had squandered it all away.
    The cold tiles
of the bathroom floor felt good against my flushed skin, so I decided to rest
my eyes just for a little while. I would be sure to get up before dad woke up.
Reaching into the pocket of his hoodie I removed my cell phone and made the
only connection I could with him now, an unanswered telephone. I listened to
the ringing on the other end as tears poured down my face. "Bubby I need
you please." I had no idea what I sounded like in that moment all I knew
was that I had to go away from the pain again. Into the sweet abyss of sleep,
maybe this time I wouldn't awaken to this nightmare. Maybe I could just drift
away in my sleep from a broken heart. Anything would be preferable to living
without him.

 
    I knew