Finally My Forever by Brooke St. James Read Free Book Online Page A

opened, and I awoke from the dream, staring at the ceiling of my own bedroom. My heart was pounding, and I was struggling to catch my breath.
    A cold sweat had come to the surface of my entire body. I stayed there, completely motionless for several long seconds before I picked my head up to glance around.
    It had only been a nightmare. I was in my own bed in my own room. My shaggy, brown dog was lying flat on his back next to me and I reached out and put my hand on his warm belly just to try to get some sense of comfort and peace.
    He stirred a little at my touch, but didn't wake up. I reached onto my nightstand with the other hand and picked up my phone to check the time.
    "Two A.M.," I whispered before letting my head hit the pillow again.
    My body was so wound up from the nightmare that it took a good fifteen or twenty minutes for my heart rate to slow down afterward. I was so relieved to have Roscoe lying next to me in the bed. Waking up with a nightmare was never easy, but having him next to me helped the aftermath. It took me three hours to fall back asleep.
    The next day was Sunday, so thankfully I didn't have to work. I had plans to have coffee at 10am with a friend of mine named Trish, and I showed up looking as tired and frustrated as I felt. I saw her through the window as I approached, and she told me with hand gestures that I should just come to the couch where she was sitting because she already had my coffee.
    "What's the matter?" was the first thing out of her mouth when I got close enough to hear her.
    I sat on the couch with a huff, not even bothering to take the bag off of my shoulder. "What'd you get me?" I asked, sitting up to grab the paper cup off the coffee table.
    "A vanilla latte. What's up with you?"
    "The dream."
    "Again?"
    I took a small sip of coffee, set it down, and rubbed my face with my hands. "Thanks for that. It's good." I sighed. "Yeah, same dream." I sat back again, still feeling disturbed and restless. "It's been two months since the last one, though."
    She smiled. "That's a good thing."
    I managed a half smile. "I guess."
    She studied me as if I was a puzzle she could put back together. "Was it exactly like…" she started to ask.
    "Yes. It was exactly like it happened in real life," I said. "Only in the dream, his house was different—it was gross and dark. I was scared even before I saw him."
    I started dating Zeke when I was seventeen years old and he was eighteen. We dated for a year before he committed suicide. He worked at a music store in the mall during the year we were dating and had plans to start college with me. He said we'd be freshmen together.
    His depression came on quickly. He always wrote a lot of poetry, but during the summer when we celebrated our one-year anniversary, his poems took a melancholy turn. He began acting like he changed his mind about going to college saying he would never amount to anything anyway. I knew he was sad, but I had absolutely no idea he was capable of doing what he did. He took his own life in the bedroom of his parents' house, and since they were at work, I'd been the one to find him.
    No one should ever, I repeat EVER have to see anything like that. It had been four years since I found him, and I still resented him for making me look at that. Imagine if it had been his mom.
    Trish put her hand on my leg and let out a long sigh. She had no idea what to say, and I couldn't blame her for that. "Do you think you should try those pills?"
    "I'm not going to get on pills for the rest of my life. The nightmares are getting farther and farther apart, and I'm able to live a pretty normal life in spite of them. I'm not gonna subject myself to a lifetime of prescriptions to help me get over it." I shrugged. "People see things in life that suck. I should be able to get over it by myself."
    "Have you seen a therapist?"
    I glanced at her. "Who do you think gave me the pills?"
    "Did it help you to talk about it?"
    "It helped a little, I guess. No amount