Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World by Jennie Allen Read Free Book Online Page B

tell you this, but one simple phone call, one seemingly inconsequential text, can shift your course entirely. It can set into motion a cascade of events. As it turned out, Michelle was in the process of joining a small group at our now-mutual church. “You know about the small groups?” she said to me, her eyes revealing some of the doubt she obviously carried.
    “What about them?” I said, matching her tone of reservation.
    “You join them for life,” Michelle said. Our church, as I would soon discover, takes community very, very seriously.
    As in, tell-the-truth-about-your-struggles seriously.
    As in, tell-the- whole -truth-about-your-struggles seriously.
    As in, disclose-the-details-of-your-finances-with-each-other seriously.
    Not kidding, even a little. In these community groups, everything is fair game.
    So, anyway, in the midst of giving me a little primer on our church’s views on community groups, Michelle blurted out, “You and Zac should join ours!”
    Uh. No.
    “No, thank you.” I mean, Thank you! And yet, no.
    I wanted friends, but I also wanted some time to be sure that we were throwing in with the right people. Coming off some friendship failures in Austin, the mere mention of lifelong commitment made me reflexively step back. Since then,I’ve learned that plenty of small groups don’t quite make it the proposed four or more decades. But I felt the pressure.
    I tend to be gregarious in social situations and come off extremely extroverted, engaged, and fun, but raise the stakes and dive into how life really is going, and man, do my walls go up fast. And now a bunch of perfect strangers were supposed to have access to my deepest thoughts? My desires? My spending patterns? My use of time? Yikes.
    I should mention here that that conversation happened almost four years ago, and Zac and I risked it and jumped in with that small group of people and still are together today. And those friends we did not intentionally choose? They are some of the closest friends that we have.
    Don’t get me wrong: at many turns along the way, things between people in that group and us have been incredibly difficult. Especially at first, it was awkward. As in, awkward.
    Had I not been so desperate to find my people, I probably would have bailed. Thankfully I stayed. Thankfully, when the invitation came to engage in candid, authentic, long-term community, I whispered an earnest yes. That one yes has changed everything.
    Do You Want This?
     
    Let me assure you that today I have my village. Since that coffee date, a handful of other friends have come into my life too. You’ll hear more as we go. My network of people is diverse and intrusive, and they hold me up and together. I love them, and they are in and out of my life most every minute of everyday. And I want this for you, if you don’t already have it. More important, God wants this for you.
    My suspicion? You want this too.
    I think that’s why you are here. I am guessing you are here because you’re sick of the ache. I am guessing people have hurt you and you hope there is another way to do this. I am guessing you are looking for a vision and for tools to help you build healthier relationships. And I imagine that by this point in the book, you might feel a little afraid. You are afraid that this book won’t provide any relief for your deepest longings and hopes and dreams, and that possibly our whole system is just universally broken.
    If that’s you, then please hear me: because our current world has been built on such rampant independence…
    it will take deliberate intention to return to the kinds of relationships that God had in mind for us to enjoy.
    But we can return.
    At this point you also may be saying, “Sounds great! I would love to find my people, but I’ve tried, and for the most part, people are just incredibly toxic and draining. Are you sure this is a good idea?”
    I hear you.
    Choosing our people isn’t as simple as finding people to wash