Finding Alice by Melody Carlson Read Free Book Online

at the orange and yellow stripes of the afghan, sticking my fingers through the holes like I did when I was little. I don’t want to talk to these women. More than anything I wish these churchwomen would vanish and just leave me alone.
    “You must’ve done something,” continues Mrs. Knoll. “Satan doesn’t come into our hearts uninvited, you know. You got to give him some kind of leeway. You open the door and say ‘come on in.’Is there some hidden sin in your life, Alice? Something you need to confess to us?”
    I still don’t look up, but I can sense her face close to mine, and I can smell her breath just as sour as a nasty old dishrag. She peers down at me now, looking as if she can actually see into my soul. Suddenly I am not entirely sure that she can’t. And why shouldn’t she? After all, she is part of the church leadership, the church that God is going to destroy.
    It becomes perfectly clear to me. Mrs. Knoll is in cahoots with Pastor John. They’re the ones behind this whole thing. The real enemies. I am absolutely certain that they are the ones who hired my neighbor to spy on me, told her to poison me. They want my journals. They’re jealous that God didn’t choose them to receive the golden key .
    “Where’s my backpack, Mom?” I ask suddenly.
    “In your room.”
    “You hiding something sinful in your backpack?” continues Mrs. Knoll. “Some drugs maybe? Or pornography? Tools of witchcraft?”
    “Oh, Mrs. Knoll!” My mother looks scandalized. “Alice is a good girl.”
    “No one is good , Susan!” snaps Mrs. Knoll. “Don’t be deceived by sin’s folly. We are all evil by nature. It’s only when we repent of our evil that we can be saved by the blood. But I can sense that Alice has fallen from grace. She’s not under God’s protection anymore. She has made herself an enemy of God. That’s why she’s demonized now. Plagued with demons. Why, I can feel it in my very spirit.”
    “We can’t help you, Alice,” Mary agrees. “Not unless you’re willing to be helped.”
    I suspect they’re playing good cop–bad cop now. I simply sit and watch, like a first offender in the squad interrogation room.
    “That’s right, honey.” My mother nods. “We can pray for you, but you have to cooperate with us if we’re going to get the demons out.”
    I just look at her without speaking. I am confused, and I wonder where I am and who these women really are. I long for Amelia to come and explain what is going on—she’s the only real friend I have left—but she seems to have vanished completely. I don’t understand what’s happening.
    My mother reaches out and takes my hand. “Trust me, Alice. We only want to help you.”
    I look into her eyes and realize she is not really a stranger. She’s my mother, and I’m thinking maybe she’s right. Maybe they are all right. Perhaps I am demonized. It’s obvious that something is terribly wrong. I certainly feel like I’m stuck in some sort of hell. I finally shrug. “I don’t know what to do.”
    “You just need to agree with us when we pray for you, honey.” My mom places her other hand on my shoulder. “Are you ready?”
    “I guess so.”
    “You’ve got to want them to be gone, Alice.” Mrs. Knoll’s voice is stern and fierce.
    All I can think is that I want her to be gone and how maybe she’ll leave sooner if I play along.
    They’ve barely begun to pray when I feel myself growing blurry and sleepy again. Maybe it’s due to lack of food, but Mrs. Knoll insists it’s those demons at work in me.
    After what seems like hours, the two churchwomen grow weary and finally leave. I remain on the couch with my mom sitting in therecliner across from me, as though keeping some sort of a vigil. There is a small comfort in her presence. I sleep off and on, and each time I wake up, she is still there, and so I think it is safe to sleep some more. Sometimes I wake to hear her praying again. But not like the church ladies, none of that