Finding Never by C. M. Stunich Read Free Book Online Page B

halter
top without a bra, a full, Gypsy skirt, and a pair of dangling
earrings that swing like purple pendulums when she turns her head to
face me. Time ceases to flow for a moment, breaks around us like
waves around rocks. Her copper curls are scooped up like ice cream
on her head, still just as pretty and shimmery as they were when I
left, but her face is lined with pain and worry. This gives me hope
for a brief moment, makes me think that something will change between
us, that she'll be the mother I always wanted but never had. My
heart starts to pump and I have to reach under the table and grab
Ty's hand with an iron grip. It's slick and sweaty, almost as wet as
mine with worry and fear.
    “ Mom.”
It's one, simple word, one that gets Beth sobbing again and makes
India smile. Jade remains emotionless, and the younger girls, too
wound up to keep this tense silent, start to talk all at once. I
don't hear any of them. I keep my gaze locked on my mother's and I
smile through the tears that just won't stop. I'm home, Mom, I
think at her. I'm finally home. I feel my heart healing,
just a bit, just a tiny scab that covers some of the pain. And then
she speaks, and it all goes to hell.
    “ Oh,
Never?” she says, like she saw me yesterday. “You're
here for dinner?”
    Beth's
face falls and Jade scrunches up her nose. The little girls, except
for Maple, stop talking. She's still babbling nonsensically at a
pair of dolls she's got on the floor near the refrigerator. Ty looks
over at me and I can feel him asking if I need anything with his
eyes. He can sense that I've just been pushed even closer to the
proverbial edge. I've stumbled so far that I'm teetering now.
Nobody but Angelica Regali has this power over me. Nobody except Ty
McCabe. But then, he's sitting quietly by my side watching my life
unfold like some sort of origami nightmare while my mother pretends
that this is not the first time she's seen me in five fucking years.
    “ Really?”
I whisper, my voice hardly audible over Maple's baby talk. “That's
all you have to say to me?” I sound angry, furious. I can't
hold my emotions back, not anymore. Holding back has gotten me where
I am today. It's a miracle that I'm not halfway to the grave,
riddled with disease, and broken in two. Because of Ty. I
start to shake again when Angelica rolls her eyes to the ceiling and
puts her hand on her hip. She sighs deeply, like she just can't be
friggin' bothered.
    “ Never,
you disappeared for five years without even the courtesy of a phone
call. It's been a long while since I cried over you, honey. What do
you want me to say? What was I supposed to do? Chase after you?”
    “ Well,
for starters,” I say as I drop Ty's hand and rise to my feet.
My chair squeaks across the linoleum floor. Maple starts to cry.
“You could say 'Welcome home,' or 'It's nice to see you'. How
about something like that?”
    “ Oh
for Goddess' sake, Never Fontaine Regali. I'm glad to see you, but
I'm not going to throw myself at your feet.”
    “ It's
Never Ross,” I whisper. “Never Nicholas Ross.” My
mother freezes and for once in her selfish, miserable life doesn't
know what to say. Regali is her last name; Fontaine was her choice
for a middle name. Nicholas Ross was my father's name and now
legally, it's mine, too.
    “ I
see.” This is all she says. Rage bubbles hot and fierce
inside of me until I'm seeing red and purple and black swirls in
front of my eyes, spinning away to nothing. Ty stands up and puts a
hand on my shoulder, but it's too late, I've already snapped. I
swing my arm at the basket of rolls India put on the table. They fly
off the linoleum top and smash into the counter. The red and white
checkered napkin flutters to the floor and lands on top of the bread.
    Nobody
speaks, but Maple continues to cry. Beth moves over to her and picks
her up, tucks her tiny head beneath her chin and coos soothing words
at her. I hope Beth is a better mother than Angelica