Finding YOU Finding ME (You & Me Trilogy Book 2) by Kailin Gow Read Free Book Online Page A

she
suggested.
     
                Later
on, when Collins left to go take a phone call, leaving Gail and I alone at the
table, Gail took my hands in hers and squeezed it. “Sam,” she said. “I know
everyone is expecting me to tell you to back off from this relationship with a
man like Collins. I know how much your father will disapprove of the advice I’m
giving you. I know all the parents in the world will be saying that I should
tell you to stay a virgin, be chaste and all that. But I’m not the moral
police, and I’m not here to tell you to remain a virgin or to stay a “good
girl” whatever that means or to be wary of guys like Collins. You know all that
already, and you don’t need me to tell you any of it. What I’m telling you is
advice from experience with the choices you’ve already made. You’ve made the
choice to see and be with Collins, to have a relationship with him, and him
with you. You’re young, but you’re also an adult so I can’t shelter you. I can
arm you with advice to help you make grown-up decisions and to help you have
the most satisfying and happy relationship you can with the person you choose
to be with.”
                She
smiled, still clasping my hands in hers. “I know it was shocking to see me in
this role, as Collins McGregor’s therapist. Normally you wouldn’t even know,
except he gave me permission to tell you and to bring you into his sessions
with me. He’s also asked me to work with you.” She became very gentle as she
said, “I know you’re carrying a big burden, a big guilt right now that stems
from something in your past, and it can get in the way of you having a
fulfilling relationship. It can even get to the point where you’re so
debilitated from functioning that you shut down.”
                “I
was…I was, that one time when Derek found me, I was going through so much,” I
said.
                “Yes,
you were, but it was also because of something triggered by Collins or by
something Collins represent. Fear of intimacy, some kind of shame, guilt…am I
right, Sam?”
                I
thought back to just today at Sawyer House. I had felt this panic, the sudden
tightening in my stomach, the dread and then the fear earlier today. It wasn’t
just the training gone wrong of the prank trainer/stalker Billy, if that was
his name. It was the name Billy, whom I have such a strongly negative
association, it generated a sickly physical response in me, just hearing his
name. Obviously, despite my training as a peer counselor, despite how much I
knew about psychology, I still was not over the Billy incident from when I was
thirteen or fourteen and harassed so badly by a bully that I was nearly raped
by him.
                But
that wasn’t all. It was the way everyone treated me afterwards that forever
made me feel damaged, dirty, and unworthy so much so that I’ve spent my entire
life afterwards, working hard to try to win everyone’s acceptance again. I
worked so hard to be the good girl, to be the perfect daughter, and to be what
everyone expected of me…in the end, or at least right now in the present, what
I realized was that all that didn’t matter. It’s the one who stick with you
through thick and thin who matter, and that had been people like Gail, Derek,
and Collins.
                I
finally answered Gail back. “Yes,” I said. “It was, it is. And you’re right. I
can’t do this alone.”
                Gail’s
hand squeezed mine again. “You’re not, Sam. You’re never alone. I know you have
issues of your own that you haven’t dealt with…if you need to talk about that,
feel free to just come into my office, and we can.”
                “Thanks,”
I said, trying not to think about my issues. “I’ll take you up on your offer
for sure.”
     
     

 
    Chapter 8
     
     
                T he next couple of days, I began packing, ready
to