Fish Out of Water by Ros Baxter Read Free Book Online

know, you really let yourself down with that girly trip, Sheriff,” he clucked sadly, looking at me like maybe another choice would magically drop from my lips. “I guess it’ll have to be Southern Comfort,” he sighed when it didn’t.
    “Good choice,” I consoled him. “And I am not the Sheriff.”
    He snorted.
    “Deputy,” I conceded.
    I sized Doug up and considered the best way to ask my favor.
    I sometimes wonder what Doug would think if he knew about us. He’s pretty shrewd, so he knows something’s different. For a start, I’m the only person (man or woman) who’s ever beat him in an arm wrestle. But he’s also kinda mysterious himself. Ex-Special Forces, when he turned up in Dirtwater with his special charge in tow, folks wondered but never asked. After all, it’s the kind of place people tend to use to lie low. Then there were his disappearing acts. I was in a better position than most to know that each time he comes back, he’s cashed up and has an extra scar and a new tattoo. And that sometimes he stays away a long time.
    But Doug’s motto is “don’t ask, don’t tell”.
    Or it was, until I explained that was also the official US policy regarding homosexuality in the forces. Now it’s “ask no questions, get no bullshit.”
    I zoned back in and realized Mom was chatting to him. “So, darling, how is your Ma?”
    The briefest flicker of grief flashed across that wanton profile before it was banished with a chuckle. “Well, yesterday she turned all my best underwear into a piece of modern art. I couldn’t get annoyed with her, she was so proud of it. And she gets upset real easy.”
    Mom covered her mouth and Doug touched her free hand. “Mostly, she’s real good these days, Mrs A. Happy. Always singing.”
    Mom nodded and twisted a lock of that golden hair around her finger.
    “Actually, I’m heading off again next week. Don’t suppose you girls’d look in on her while I’m gone? She’ll have care round the clock, of course, but it’s not the same, y’know…”
    As he started his favorite rant about how hard it is to get nursing staff who pay attention to the little things, Mom and I took a moment to admire the finely sculpted work of art that was Doug, before we started talking over him. It’s okay, it was telepathy. He couldn’t hear us.
    Lovely boy, takes such good care of his Ma. Remind me why you broke up with him?
    I ignored her. If she was a normal mother, she’d know that Doug falls into the category of guys you shouldn’t sleep with. Don’t get me wrong, he’s real funny, and sweet, and he can do things in bed that make it pretty clear where the Special Forces got the “special” bit from. But I bet Janice Dean’s Ma would have told Jancie that guys who can’t tell you where they’ve been or what they do for a living are not gonna be the most reliable lovers. I bet Janice Dean never climbed out any potty windows. I took a moment to think about the reliable Mrs Dean, with her blue rinse, yellow roses and green-eyed envy of everyone else’s lives. I shrugged inwardly.
    Thank Ran for mermaid mothers.
    I zoned back into the head of mine. Mom…about tonight. I need to…
    I barely finished. It’s okay. You do what you’ve got to do. Just stay safe, my love .
    I smiled at her. I’ll be home for brownie baking in the morning. Promise .
    She frowned a little in response. Should I ask?
    No way. No. I shouldn’t think so .
    She was on the job immediately, yawning delicately. Part kitten, part woman.
    “Mercy me, I am beat.” She leaned over and planted a soft kiss on Doug’s cheek.
    He looked momentarily dazzled before squawking out a hoarse “Ni’night.”
    Then he started talking again, but I wasn’t zoned in. I was visualizing his van, and how I was going to get it. It’d be tricky. Last time, Doug got his Harley back kinda bent out of shape.
    “Oh, baby,” he crooned. “You really gotta try the shrimp fry over at the Dirty Boar.”
    I momentarily