Flee by Keely James Read Free Book Online Page A

been pouring out my thoughts and feelings on paper. It was easier than talking to people. The paper didn’t respond to my thoughts. It didn’t judge me or offer ridiculous advice or freak when I turned dark and despairing. It was just a silent listener.
    No one had ever read what I had written. Joe had asked once, telling me he knew that I wasn’t able to talk about it, but wondering if he could just read a little so he could understand what I was going through and help me. I hadn’t even answered. I just shot him a look that clearly communicated what I thought, and he had never asked again.
    Now I sat and wrote for the next hour, telling the paper how much I dreaded this, the first day of school. My senior year was something my dad had been excited about and my mom had cried over. She had often said she wouldn’t be able to send me off to school on this day. She would be crying too hard, knowing this was “the beginning of the end.” Her end had no beginning. One day she was there, and the next she was not. Now I would be the one fighting back tears. I honestly didn’t know if I had the strength to face it. I had cut off contact with almost all of my friends. They should be happy, enjoying life. I was the huge wet blanket to everyone’s good day. The only ones who called or came by anymore were Callie and Wade. Wade, I always sent away quickly. I knew he liked me, or had before and for some reason would not let it go. Can’t you see I’m damaged goods , I wanted to scream. Go find some cute, happy little cheerleader and live happily ever after . There was no happily ever after with me. I couldn’t see how there ever would be.
    I did enjoy Callie’s company, on some levels, as much as I was capable of enjoying anything. We had been friends since the third grade. She seemed to know instinctively what I needed. She was quiet, never asked questions, and was content to just sit and hang out with me. I was thankful for her, but told her often to please go have fun and just give me space. And then I was glad when she only halfway listened.
    I shut my journal, patting it on the cover as if to tell it thanks for listening, before realizing what I was doing. I’m cracking up, I thought . I am really, seriously losing it . My best friend is a plastic binder filled with loose-leaf paper.
    I had to do better. Today was the first day of the rest of my life, and all that crap. I would be forced to be around lots of people today. I needed to make an effort to talk, to be normal. I knew it would cost me. Relationships required emotional energy, and I was on low rations with that. But I could try.
    I looked in the mirror, and somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I was slightly horrified. Lack of sleep and too many tear-filled hours had left my face a mess. Deep, dark bags lined my eyes. My hair was uncombed and wild. I hadn’t had it cut since, well, before. I pictured my mom’s beautiful face and knew this wouldn’t do for the daughter of Jenny Alden. If I am making an attempt, I might as well go all of the way . It took me thirty minutes of quiet rustling to locate my make-up bag and flat iron . Good thing I’m up early . It’s going to take a while to tame this beast I’ve let myself become into something halfway presentable.
    By the time Joe and Mary awakened, I was in the kitchen making breakfast. My hair was straightened, although I anticipated the humidity messing that up pretty quickly, and the bags under my eyes were concealed as best as I could manage. I was hoping a touch of lip gloss would draw attention to my mouth, keeping people from looking too closely anywhere else. I still had a bit of The Legend of Boggy Creek look going, despite my best efforts.
    Mary gasped and Joe stopped dead in his tracks when they entered the kitchen and saw me.
    â€œNow that’s more like it.” Joe came around the counter and gave me a quick hug.