Flesh Circus by Lilith Saintcrow Read Free Book Online

the world.
I kept my breathing slow and even. He didn’t let go. We stayed that way, knotted together. Frozen.
    “I love you,” he finally said against my skin. “Jill?”
    “I know that.” And I did. “I love you too, catkin. Just rest for a minute. It’s okay.” I told the persistent tension in the
     bottom of my belly to go away.
I refuse to be dragged around by my clitoris, for God’s sake. Come on, Jill. Rule the body, the body doesn’t rule you.
    “I…” Maddeningly, he stopped. We lay like that for another thirty seconds or so, hardwood floor holding me up but not
     in the most comfortable way.
    He levered himself up all in a rush, easing over to the side and ending up cross-legged, sitting and watching me. Something
     flared in his dark eyes. I watched his face, alert for any sign.
    “I’m sorry.” The little bottle of holy water on its silver chain around his neck shifted as he moved again, twitching, and
     stilled. “I thought…”
    “Don’t worry about it.” I pushed myself up on my elbows. My T-shirt was rucked up, muscle moving under my abdominal skin,
     scars crisscrossing me. I’d put on a little more weight, but not a lot, and most of it more muscle. “Really.”
    “Jill…” A helpless shrug. You wouldn’t think he was so much bigger than me, he looked so small and lost right now.
    “Hey.” I scrambled, got my knees under me, threw my arms around him. “Hey, don’t. Please don’t. Don’t
worry
about it.”
    “I just… I want to…” I’d never known him to be incoherent before. Quiet, yes. Unable to find the words?
    No. That was my job, wasn’t it? To be the one who couldn’t express a single goddamn important thing. I searched for the right
     thing to say. “I know, baby. Don’t worry so much. It’s only temporary.”
    His face fell. “You think so?” It wasn’t like him to sound so questioning. Or so tentative.
    “Of
course.
” I said it far more firmly than I felt. Maybe it wasn’t temporary. Maybe he was just having second thoughts about marrying
     a hellbreed-tainted hunter. Weres don’t divorce—they just pick their mates and settle down—but Weres didn’t date hunters all
     that often either, and almost never got hitched to them.
    So if this distance between us wasn’t temporary, would he go back to his tribe? As far as they were concerned the fireside
     ceremony with his mother officiating made me his mate. But… I was an anomaly, and a big one. If he went back to his tribe,
     I couldn’t see anyone protesting.
    Least of all me. I’d commence and finish quiet internal bleeding before I said a peep. He deserved that much from me. If he
     really wanted to go back, I couldn’t blame him one bit.
    God knows you’re not the easiest person in the world to live with, Jill. Buck up. Comfort him.
    I held him, stroking his hair, touching the silver charms knotted in with red thread. Rubbed his nape just the way he liked
     it, scraping with my bitten-down nails. He eased a little and purred again, in fits and starts. “It’s okay,” I repeated. “Really
     and truly. It’s all okay.”
    I don’t know what else I would have said if the doorbell hadn’t sounded loud enough to cut my ears in half. The thing goes
     off so seldom, I always forget between times that I have it deliberately loud. I like to hear everything scuttling in the
     warehouse’s walls, down to the smallest insect.
    Not that I ever have many insects around, what with sorcery burning all through the paneling and studs, but you get the idea.
    I straightened. There wasn’t a quiver or a peep from my hackles. My intuition was quiet, for once. “Huh.”
    Which didn’t mean there wasn’t something bad at the door. It could be just a very
quiet
something bad. Then again, why would anything that valued its life and had mayhem on its mind ring my doorbell instead of
     just busting in to lay some hurt on me?
    “Jill—” Saul made a small movement, like he wanted to catch my